The Mumbai attacks have Islamabad cautioning New Delhi not to “over-react”. This makes my blood turn cold.

India and Pakistan are both nuclear powers. India and Pakistan are disputing Kashmir. India and Pakistan have a history. India and Pakistan are both nuclear powers… And India and Pakistan only exist as separate countries because Hindus and Muslims believe different things about absolute nonsense.

More than a million people died in the religious killing of establishing the two states. Three wars have been fought and blood still flows freely and regularly on the border of two countries that are separated mostly by mythological bullshit.

Gujarat 2002 speaks to my fear and loathing. Sam Harris quotes C.W. Dugger: “Mothers were skewered on swords as their children watched. Young women were stripped and raped in broad daylight, then… set on fire. A pregnant woman’s belly was slit open, her fetus raised skyward on the tip of a sword and then tossed onto one of the fires that blazed across the city.”

The only difference between the peoples of India and Pakistan is the things they believe about… “God”.

We should be tolerant of religious belief?

People who believe that death – especially death in the execution of infidels – is the highest calling; people voted into office by the people of Gujarat, have access to nuclear arsenals.

We should be tolerant of religious belief?

Religion scares me shitless.

Are you okay with “Belief”?

Die “Skepping“, die “Sondvloed” en die “Kerk”

Die nuusredakteur van die Kerkbode betoog in By dat die NG Kerk standpunt moet inneem oor die “Skepping” en die “Sondvloed“. ‘n Formidabele vrydenker blyk dié nuusredakteur te wees!

Dat daar oor ‘n “Skepping” gedink kan word in die tweede helfte van die eerste dekade van die 21ste eeu gaan die verstand te bowe. Amerikaanse howe, wat waarskynlik die deeglikste formele argumente hieroor aangehoor het, sê dat “Kreasionisme” snert is: Epperson v. Arkansas (1968); McClean v. Arkansas (1981); Segraves v. California (1981); Edwards v. Aguillard (1987); Webster v. New Lenox (1990); Peloza v. Capistrano (1994); Freiler v. Tangipahoa (1999); LeVake v. Independent School District (2001); Kitzmiller v. Dover Area School District (2005).

Maar die “nuusredakteur” het dit oor die “Sondvloed”, as voorbeeld, veronderstel ek, in sy By-artikel.

Daar was nie ‘n “Sondvloed” nie. Want wáá’s die wáter?

Die radius van die aarde is ongeveer 6,370km. Die aarde se volume is dus maklik berekenbaar: 1,082,696,932,000km³. Everest, die hoogste piek, is ongeveer 8.8km hoog en die aarde se volume by Everest se hoogte is 1,087,190,293,000km³. ‘n Eenvoudige aftreksom toon aan dat daar ongeveer 4,493,361,000km³ water moes wees om die aarde te kon bedek. Daar is egter slegs 1,300,000,000km³ water op aarde. Dis ‘n geslote sisteem. Waarvandaan het die vloedwater gekom? Wat het van die ekstra 3,193,361,000km³ water geword? Wáá’s die water?

Spul kak. Die “Skepping” en die “Sondvloed”. Dis hartseer dat daar nog in die tweede helfte van die eerste dekade van die 21ste eeu voorgestel moet word dat ‘n organisasie standpunt moet inneem oor dié sake. Hártseer. En fôkkin embarrassing.

Maar helaas, ‘n “Christen” kan al die ongemaklike, lagwekkende aspekte van geloof in “God” wegkerf, maar ‘n “Christen” moet die opstanding uit die dood van ene “Christus” as feit aanvaar of dis neusie verby – game over. En dié belaglikheid – die “Opstanding” is onsinnige snert. “Christene” is onnosel. Punt. En wat die onnoselheid so érg maak is dat “Christene” kiés om onnosel te wees! Selfs uiters intelligente “Christene” is onnosel omdat hulle kiés om onnosel te wees. Hiérvoor is géén verskoning nie!

O, ek het vergeet om te sê: Om 4,493,361,000km³ water in 40 dae bymekaar te kry moes dit 220 méter gereën het elke dag. Nogals redelike swaar neerslae. Hier waar ek woon reën dit ‘n milimeter en dan’s dit nuus…

Ek wonder hoe Noag se houtskuit hierdie “brandslang wateraanslag” oorleef het. Dit sou wees soos om ‘n brandslang op ‘n rubber eendjie in die bad los te laat.

In vandag se Die Burger, op bladsy twee, links, is daar ‘n roerende huldeblyk aan ‘n jong man wat dood is. Ek is ‘n emosionele mens en wanneer ek só iets raaklees ontstel ek my erg. Ek raak hartseer. Ek voel saam met die agtergeblewenes.

Toe lees ek dít: “Geniet die volkome verlossing by jou vriend Jesus. Herinner Hom daaraan dat Hy ons nooit mag los nie… Ons sien jou in die Ewigheid.”

Ek voel asof ek ure lank kan skreeu! Totdat my stem ingee.

Fôk! Jissis!

Die ontslapene moet “Jesus” herinner dat Hy die agtergeblewenes nie moet “los” nie!? Wat, is Jesus kort van gedagte? Aan die een kant meen ek dis ‘n geldige punt: Soos goed hier op aarde aangaan vergeet Jesus gereeld om na sy kinders om te sien. Perdalkies is dit ‘n goeie idee om iemand te hê wat die bliksem aan sy ondernemings herinner!

“Ons sien jou in die ewigheid.”

Dat mense sulke vals, leë hoop kan koester maak my angstig. Dat gelowiges sulke vals hoop bevorder maak my woedend.

Ek kan die belaglikheid van “God” en al die waansinnige dogma wat daarmee saamgaan nog met ‘n afmakende grynslag hanteer, maar wanneer die godsdiens gewone mense op hierdie manier boelie, raak ek opstandig. Die verdoemende skade wat die godsdiens gewone sout-van-die-aarde mense berokken is oorweldigend. Dit tap my emosioneel. En laat my besef dat die godsdiens op alle gebiede beveg moet word.

Mnr. Jacob Zuma se voorstel dat leerders dalk “weer” moet leer bid so tussendeur die leer, is deur kerkleiers verwelkom.

Behoede tog ons kinders van hierdie snert! Dit is krimineel om kinders met die bog van godsdiens op te saal.

Bíd! Tot wát!? Tot wié!? Jupiter? Ra? Baäl? Fók!

Niemand het die reg om kinders se koppe op te fôk nie.

Wat van dié ooreenkoms, mnr Z en dankbare dominees: Julle keer dat kinders in skole bid en ek keer dat hulle  in kerke dink. Want as hulle in kerke dínk… is julle uit besigheid uit, dominees. Bid in skole! Jíssis!

It’s been found! Identified… although by Poles. But it’s been found! The grave of Nicolaus Copernicus!

And the grave was not empty! There was a dead body – a skeleton, really – in the grave. That, skeletons and dead bodies – human remains – is what makes a grave a grave.

Now scientists the world over are planning yearly pilgramages to Frombork Cathedral on the Baltic coast. They’ll be chanting the Second Law of Thermodynamics as they approach the icon.

Christians have only an empty grave! Empty. Like the space between their ears.

Says Dan Barker: “Truth does not demand belief. Scientists do not join hands every Sunday, singing, ‘Yes, gravity is real! I will have faith! I will be strong! I believe in my heart that what goes up, up, up must come down, down, down. Amen!’ If they did, we would think they were pretty insecure about it.”

By the way, this was Calvin’s response to Copernicus: “Who will venture to place the authority of Copernicus above that of the Holy Spirit?” The sun, see, revolved around the earth back when theologians ruled.

Hoe dink ‘n mens oor “God”?

Ek praat van Oom Koos van Parow-Oos en Tant Gail van Vanderbijl se “God”. Ek praat van die “God” wat in kerke Sondae aanbid word. Ek praat nie van “God” as die goeie, mooie, skone; verhewe in die lewe in die algemeen nie. (Dís in elk geval nie “God” nie; dis die goeie, mooie, skone; verhewe in die lewe in die algemeen.)

‘n Geleerde koerantman sê vir my: “Die eis vir ‘n bewys van God se bestaan is irrasioneel.”

‘n Geleerde predikant sê vir my: “Ek beskou God naamlik as die ‘ultimate reality’ en ook as die ‘most profound aspect of reality’. Ek glo dit nie omdat ek dit wil glo nie. Ek glo dit maar net. Ek dink ook nie jy glo dit nie omdat jy dit nie wil glo nie. Ek dink jy glo dit maar net nie.”

‘n Gespreksgenoot sê vir my : “… ek weet dat ek nie weet nie, omdat ek weet dat ek nie kan weet om dit wat ek nie weet nie te weet. Daarom weet ek dat ek nie hoef te weet hoekom ek nie kan weet waarom ek nie dit kan weet waarvan ek nie weet nie. En tog weet ek dat dit wat ek weet ek nie kan weet nie, nie is omdat ek nie kan weet nie, maar gewoon omdat ek nie weet nie.”

Nou hóé moet ek nou oor “God” dink as dit irrasioneel is om bewyse te wil hê oor sy bestaan?

Hóé moet ek oor “God” dink as ek maar net moet glo? As ek nie eens die keuse het om dit te wil glo of nie te wil glo nie?

Hóé moet ek oor “God” dink as ek “weet dat ek nie weet nie…”

Sondae…

Wat is dit met kerkklokke? Elke Sondag weergalm die kerkklokke oor my dorp.

Ek het nie ‘n begeerte om Dinsdagoggende, sê, op te staan en “Fôk God” oor luidspekers te skreeu nie. Maar nou ja… Maar nou dat ek daaraan dink… Njaaaa.

Toe gaan soek ek maar die koerante. Daar was al koerante by die kafee op die hoek, maar nog nie ‘n Rapport nie. (Verstaan – daar was “koerante“, maar nie ‘n “Rapport” nie.) Waarskynlik was daar laat Saterdagaand nuus van ‘n girlkie wat onthul het Steve Hofmeyr het haar op laerskool met ‘n potlood gesteek. Nou’s die koerant, ‘skuus, “Rapport” laat.

Sondag.

Godsk!, as dit nie vir die braai was Sondae nie… en Mevrou se bykosse en nagereg nie…

Onthou ek toe dié juweeltjie van die beste kommedie* voor Seinfeld :

(Sound: Church bells, lots of them, ringing.)

Man: I wish those bloody bells would stop.

Wife: Oh, it’s quite nice dear, it’s Sunday, it’s the church.

M: What about us atheists? Why should we ‘ave to listen to that sectarian turmoil?

W: You’re a lapsed atheist, dear.

M: The principle’s the same. The Mohmedans don’t come ’round here wavin’ bells at us! We don’t get Buddhists playing bagpipes in our bathroom! Or Hindus harmonizing in the hall! The Shintus don’t come here shattering sheet glass in the shithouse, shouting slogans-

W: All right, don’t practice your alliteration on me.

M: Anyway, when I get my membership card and blazer badge back from the League of Agnostics, I shall urge the executive to lodge a protest against that religious racket! Pass the butter knife!

W: WHAT??

M: PASS THE BUTTER KNIFE!! (pause) THANK YOU! IF ONLY WE HAD SOME KIND OF MISSILE!

W: ‘OLD ON, I’LL CLOSE THE WINDOW.

M: WHAT?!

W: I SAID, I’LL CLOSE THE WINDOW!

(Sound: Window closing, bells get faint, but are still there)

M: If only we had some kind of missile, we could take the steam out of those bells.

W: Well, you could always use the number 14-St. Joseph-the-somewhat- divine-on-the-hill ballistic missile. It’s in the attic.

M: What ballistic missile would this be, then?

(Sound: Bells begin to get increasingly louder)

W: I made it for you, it’s your birthday present!

M: Just what I wanted, ‘ow nice of you to remember, my pet. ‘ERE!

W: WHAT?

M: THOSE BELLS ARE GETTING LOUDER!

W: WHAT?

M: THOSE BELLS ARE GETTING LOUDER!!

W: THE BELLS ARE GETTING LOUDER! OOOH, LOOK!

M: WHAT?

W: THE CHURCH, IT.. ITS COMING CLOSER! ITS COMING DOWN THE ‘ILL!

M: WHAT A LIBERTY!

W: ITS TURNING INTO OUR LANE! WELL, YOU BETTER GO PUT IT OUT OF IT’S MISERY.

M: WHERE’S THIS MISSILE, THEN?

W: IT’S IN THE ATTIC. PRESS THE BUTTON MARKED CHURCH!

M: ‘OW DO I AIM IT?

W: IT AUTOMATICALLY HOMES IN ON THE NEAREST PLACE OF WORSHIP!

M: BUT THAT’S ST. MARKS!

W: IT ISN’T NOW, LOOK!! OH, ITS OP’NING THE GATE.

M: WHAT? USE THE MEGAPHONE!

W: IT’S OP’NING THE GATE!! ‘HURRY UP, ITS TRAMPLING OVER THE AZALIAS!

(Sound: Missle launch, explosion, bells diminish)

M: Did I ‘it it?

W: Yes, right up the aisle.

M: Well I’ve always said, There’s nothing an agnostic can’t do if he really doesn’t know whether he believes in anything or not.

* Monty Python. Obwiehuslie.

Duisende Christene het Saterdagmiddag reën getrotseer om na Angus “I haven’t bin to Baaibil College” Buchan op Coca-Cola-park in Johannesburg te luister. Hul geesdrif het al hoe groter geraak terwyl die reën al hoe harder geval het.

“Jesus is die reënmaker”, het Angus gesê.

Jaaaa, boet. So tipies soos ‘n horingpetjie op ‘n Blou Bul-ondersteuner se kop.

Die manlike luggode soos Tiwe, Thor, Baal, El (wat uiteindelik die hedendaagse Christen-god geword het), Brahman, Zeus en Jupiter was algemeen bekend daarvoor dat hulle die weer beheer het. ‘n Voorbeeld van hierdie geloof is die bekende gebiddery van Elia en die profete van Baal op Karmel vir een van die gode om ‘n braaivleis aan te steek.

Hierdie Vader Lug godsdienste het prominensie gekry tydens die aanbreek van die Bronstydperk ongeveer 5000 jaar gelede. Dis nogals ‘n interessante storie en met baie seks. Landbougereedskap is uit brons gemaak en Moeder Aarde se vrugbaarheid is met ploeg en eg getem. Moeder Aarde is deur manlik-beheerde instrumente gepenetreer, bevrug en haar opbrengs gestroop. Maar die weer kon nie beheer word nie. Mense het toe hulle oë van die grond af gelig en na die hemele opgeslaan vir hulp.

Hier in die laaste deel van die eerste dekade van die 21ste eeu bly die Bronstyd-verhaaltjies moerse ougat. Maar vir aartappelboere en gewone sterflinge is meteorologie ‘n beter opsie. As die luggode. Rérig.

Ek hoop Angus gaan nie weg nie. Hy’s ‘n ware grapjas.

Bron:
Durand, Francois. 2006. Die herkoms van die mens en religie. In Swanepoel, Francois (Red). ‘n Groot misterie om vandag oor goddelikheid te praat. CB Powell-Bybelsentrum. Universiteit van Suid-Afrika. Pretoria.17.

Catholicism is second only to Islam, and a close second it is, in supreme stupidity. Although… there’s Hinduism. And Scientology. And Mormonism. And Adventism. And… but I must get to the point.

Now this is particularly rich: There are moves to beatify Pius XII. And Benny Dick* is personally defending his dead buddy Eugenio.

Pius XII!? Are you shitting me?

No Catholic-born Nazi, not Goebbels, not Himmler, not Bormann – not even Adolf Hitler, who died with his name still on the rolls of the Catholic Church, and for whom the Catholic Primate (Primate – any placental mammal of the order Primates with good eyesight and flexible hands and feet) of Germany ordered the Requiem sung after his suicide – was ever excommunicated for being a Nazi.

Yet Eugenio Pacelli, the rogue who sat in the stool of Peter under the preposterous assumed name of Pius XII – pious, no less! – had not the slightest inhibitions after WWII, in 1949, about excommunicating all Communist members throughout the world with a single stroke of his stick dipped in Jewish blood; his pen.

The reason for this screaming inconsistency is platitudinously and embarrassingly obvious – the Communists were “atheists”; the Nazi’s, according to Herr Hitler “… acted in accordance with the will of the Almighty Creator… I believe today that I am acting in the sense of the Almighty Creator. By warding off the Jews I am fighting for the Lord’s work.” (Mein Kampf, 46; Speech, Reichstag, 1936.)

Was it not the selfsame Eugenio that prevented the return of Jewish children, seperated from their parents by the Catholic Nazi Leaders, to their parents – so as to save the souls of the children?! Who did nothing whatsoever about the Nazi concentartion camps?

Beatify Eugenio!? Canonise him!? Purleaze! One can not even remember this scum bag with fondness if one worked at it.

Also in the news at this time is the execution by firing squad early on Sunday morning of three Islamists sentenced to death for the Bali bombings which killed 202 people. Yes, yes, of course they shouted “Allah Akhbar”. The cry of the dumb.

A family member expressed the hope that  “… our brothers, God willing, be invited by green birds to heaven now”.

What!?

Fucking green birds!? What is fuck is this!?

It takes birds now to get martyrs into the lascivious company of 72 virgins? Green birds?

Religion. What a crock. Monty Python should no longer be writing news releases. Really. It is funny, of course. Hillarious even. And entertaining too! But someone somewhere may just take this nonsense for real. Is that possible?

* The title “Pope” is the most ludicrous assumption in the embarrassing history of religion. I, for one, do not acknowledge it and will not address the holder of the “Stool of Peter” – a most apposite description of this fabrication, this prevarication – as “Pope”. Benny Dick is the assumed name of the current defecator on the stool – Mr Ratzinger.

“Rosa Parks sat so Martin Luther King could walk. Martin Luther King walked so Barack Obama could run. Barack Obama ran so my grandchildren will fly.”

Rapper Jay-Z; a man on the “L” in Chicago, according to the Chicago Tribune; and an email received by Roger Cohen of the NYT

Obama’s election is a matter of supreme hope to me and I watched with emotion as CNN declared him President-elect. The above line says whatever can possibly be said… and irrespective of what the future holds.