Discombobulation
September 17, 2007
Warning: NSVLP. This article contains strong language and profanity. Reader discretion is advised. Sensitive readers should read here first before proceeding with caution.
Christians, frankly, are so discombobulated in their otiose attempts at balancing a “modern scientific world view” and “faith” that they hardly know whether they’re coming or going. so here’s something on cosmic comings and goings: The Immaculate Conception (Divine Coming) and the Ascension (Divine Going).
Let’s start with the “going”… The Ascension.
A quadrillion miles through the vacuum of space. On a cloud. Clothed in a loose fitting jellaba. Not even Monty Python could come up with a skit like this! I amaze myself sometimes at my halcyon disposition in the face of such consummate folderol.
Rudolf Otto (1869-1937) identified two indispensable elements without which no religion can survive: mysterium tremendum et fascinans – (a continuing experience of) awe and wonderment… like gods, readily churned out by believers.
Sitting pretty on a hill near Jerusalem, Jesus suddenly, according to certain wowsers (pecksniffian puritans), was taken away on a fanciful journey we can easily appraise in lumine sicco: he started in the troposhere, the part of the atmosphere that is precious to us hairy bags of salty water because it contains just enough warmth and oxygen to keep us yauld (strong, wide-eyed and bushy-tailed). This band of sustaining air, however, becomes rapidly inimical to life as one rises up through it. Without protection many people become dangerously ill at 4′500 metres; at 7′500 metres, the so-called “Death Zone”, bodily distress is a virtual given – confusion, nausea, exhaustion, frostbite, hypothermia, migraine and the like are near certain afflictions. At about 11 kilometres, given a launch somewhere from Palestine, Jesus would have hit the stratosphere… and the proverbial mud would have hit the fan, in a manner of speaking. Had Jesus been travelling at the speed of, say, a modern high rise elevator, he would have reached the tropopause (the invisible “ceiling” of the troposhere, from the same Greek root as menopause – and not to be messed with!) in about 20 minutes – in dire need of oxygen, shivering at minus 57 degrees Celsius, and suffering debilitating cerebral and pulmonary edemata (swelling from excessive accumulation of serous fluid in tissue). Beyond this diaphanous floor of the stratosphere (yes, I am deliberately attempting to discombobulate you, we’re dealing with Christian dogma here!) the temperature makes like a roller coaster: it rises, due to the absorptive effects of ozone, to around 4 degrees Celsius, only to plunge to minus 90 degrees Celsius in the metosphere and rocket to 1′500 degrees Celsius in the erratic thermosphere, previously known as the ionosphere. No man, not even one allegedly having survived a cursory visit to Hades (a relatively cool maximum 444 degrees Celsius by Revelation 21:.8 – a lake of molten sulphur demands that its temperature must be at or below the boiling point of 444.6 degrees Celsius), antecedent to a supposed resurrection, can possibly survive such a journey and Jesus was, to be sure, so the theologians hold, completely human. Yet, even assuming Jesus’ survival of this break-out into outer space, high-energy solar particles would have gotten him and torn his DNA to tatters.[1]
This is probably the reason why Jesus, having solemnly promised his followers that he would return expeditiously after a brief visit to dad, had not been back – he had not survived the ascension. He’s dead.
And now, the Coming of the Lord… The Immaculate Ejaculate, a Fucking Miracle.
“You’re whát!?”
“I’m pregnant, daddy!”
“Pregnant!? You’re only 12 for crying in a bucket! Whaddaya mean ‘pregnant’!?”
“Calm down, dear…”
“Don’t you ‘calm down dear’ me, woman. My 12-year old daughter is in the pudding club, up the creek, pu the elop[2], knocked up, clucky[3], ‘in the family way’ and infanticipating, and you want me to ‘calm down’?”
“Daddy…”
“Don’t you ‘daddy’ me! It’s that Roman legionary, isn’t it? I knew it! Never trusted him. Never liked him. Told your mother. It’s him, isn’t it?! It’s whatsisname – Podex[4]!?”
“No daddy…”
“There! I told you! Didn’t I tell you… what!? ‘No daddy’? Whaddaya mean ‘No daddy’? It’s
not that sawdusted Joseph Carpenter wimp, is it?”
“No daddy.”
“‘No daddy’? There’s more… more… ‘visitors’!?
“No daddy.”
“What’s with this incessant ‘No daddy, no daddy’ shit? ‘No’, it’s not Podex; ‘no’, it’s not Woody Woodpecker, ‘no’ it’s not another. What are you telling me – it’s a fucking miracle!?
“Yes daddy.”
“‘Yes daddy’. Whaddaya mean ‘Yes daddy’?”
“An angel came to me, daddy…”
“‘An angel came to me daddy’? An angel!? What, are you meshugge[5]? And what did this angel do – come ‘to you’ or come ‘in you’?”
“There, there, dear, is that really necessary?”
“Quiet woman! I need to hear this. What did the angel do, Mary?”
“He spoke to me…”
“‘He spoke to me’… He spoke to you!? What, did he have a comely voice? An ‘angel’? What am I, a klutz[6]?
“No daddy.”
“Enough already with this ‘No daddy, no daddy, no daddy’ business! What did the angel do?”
“He told me that I will become pregnant.”
“And a right bloody Maskil[7] was this angel! Of course you’ll fall pregnant if you cavort with concupiscent, prurient, lickerish, lubricious soldiers and carpenters – if it’s not a spear or a chisel, it’s Bethlehem steel[8], but poke they will poke!”
“No daddy…”
“‘No daddy, no daddy, no daddy’… will you stop already! Who did it!?”
“The angel said God would make me pregnant…”
There is a long… pregnant silence. Then:
“YHWH is my aidem[9]!? And my aynekel[10] too!? What a chachma[11]! Elohim Gadol[12]“
[1] I am inbedted to Bill Bryson for much of the scientific facts in this paragraph. See A Short History of Nearly Everything, Doubleday, 2003, Chapter 17: Into the troposphere.[2] “Up the pole”: Black slang for pregnant.[3] Clucky: Australian slang for pregnant.
[4] Podex, Latin: Asshole.
[5] Meshugge, Hebrew: Crazy.
[6] Klutz, Yiddish: A clod; a clumsy, slow-wiited, graceless person; an inept blockhead.
[7] Maskill, Hebrew: Those who followed and furthered the Haskala (the movement of enlightenment, intellectual emancipation…) called themselves “enlightened ones” or Maskilim (singular: Maskil).
[8] Bethlehem steel, US black slang for an erect penis – an obvious anachronism, but I simply could not resist “Bethlehem” steel. Who could’ve?
[9] Aidem, Yiddish: son-in-law.
[10] Aynekel, Yiddish: Grandchild.
[11] Chachma, Hebrew: Wisdom. Occasionally, chachma is used to describe tricks, subterfuges, clever evasions, unrevealed meanings, or wily, casuistic hocus-pocus.
[12] God is great!
Again I see you have been misinformed and allow me to show you what took place. At His memorial service, He was transported by a great cloud (of witnesses – Heb. 12 v 1) into heaven. I trust that at my memorial service, my way of life, will also cause a great cloud of witnesses, to gather and transport me to heaven.
Hans Matthysen
April 28, 2008 at 10:38 pm
Hans jou fokking koppie raas baie
Dirk West
May 9, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Dirk, volgens Rom. 8 v 5, bedink vleeslike mense, vleeslike dinge en geestelike mense, geestelike dinge. Nou wonder ek wie se koppie raas, want as jy nie geestelike kan bedink nie, gees raas nie, maar vlees wel?
Hans Matthysen
May 11, 2008 at 10:21 pm
The Secular Basis for Self-Esteem
You are the descendant of a tiny cell of primordial protoplasm that washed up on an ocean beach 31/2 billion years ago. You are the blind and arbitrary product of time, chance, and natural forces. Your closest living relatives swing from trees and eat crackers at the zoo.
You are a mere grab bag of atomic particles, a conglomeration of genetic substance. You exist on a tiny planet in a minute solar system in an obscure galaxy in a remote and empty corner of a vast, cold, and meaningless universe. You are flying through lifeless space with no purpose, no direction, no control, and no destiny but final destruction.
You are purely biological entity, different only in degree but not in kind from a microbe, virus, or amoeba. You have no essence beyond your body, and at death you will cease to exist entirely. What little life you do have is confined to a fragile body aimlessly moving through a world plagued by war, famine, and disease. The only question is whether the world will manage to blow itself up before your brief and pointless life ends on its own.
In short, you came from nothing, you are going nowhere, and you will end your brief cosmic journey beneath six feet of dirt, where all that is you will become food for bacteria and rot with worms.
Now . . . why don’t you feel good about yourself?
The Christian Basis for Self-Esteem
You are a special creation of a good and all-powerful God. You are the climax of His creation, the magnum opus of the greatest artist in the universe. You are created in His image, with capacities to think, feel, and worship that set you above all other life forms. You differ from the animals not simply in degree but in kind.
Not only is your kind unique, but you are unique among your kind. God has masterminded the exact combination of DNA and chromosomes that constitute your genetic code, making you as different from all others as every snowflake differs from the rest.
Your Creator loved you so much and so intensely desires your companionship and affection that, despite your rebellion, He gave the life of His only Son that you might spend eternity with Him. If you are willing to accept the gift of salvation, you can become a child of God, the king of the universe.
As a Christian, you are clothed with the righteousness of Christ. He has given you special gifts and abilities to serve Him in a particular and unique way.
Your heavenly Father is sovereign, and will allow nothing to cross your path that is not Father-filtered. He cares for you so much that he is totally available to you at all times, and listens to every word you say. He cares deeply about your hurts, and has a perfect plan for your life. He has given you the inspired Word of God as a road map for living. He gives you the truth that sets you free, a life that is abundant and eternal, and a spiritual family that loves and needs you.
Your destiny is to live forever in a magnificent kingdom, to reign with Christ over the universe. You will forever enjoy the wonders of His presence and the marvels of His creations. You will spend eternity in intimate and joyful fellowship with your beloved Lord and your precious spiritual family.
Now . . . how does that make you feel about yourself?
Pitie
May 14, 2008 at 2:11 pm
Did God Create Evil?
http://www.bibleone.net
Did God create Evil? At a certain college there was a professor with a reputation for being tough on Christians. At the first class, every semester, he asked if anyone was a Christian and proceeded to degrade them and mock their statement of faith.
One semester, he asked the question and a young man raised his hand. The professor asked, “Did God make everything young man?” He replied “Yes sir HE did!” The professor responded, “If God made everything, then HE made evil.” The student didn’t have a response and the professor was happy to once again prove the Christian faith to be a myth.
Then another man raised his hand and asked, “May I ask you something, sir?” “Yes, you may,” responded the professor. The young man stood up and said, “Sir, is there such a thing as cold?” “Of course there is, what kind of a question is that? Haven’t you ever been cold?”
The young man replied, “Actually, sir, cold doesn’t exist. What we consider to be cold is really an absence of heat. Absolute zero is when there is absolutely no heat, but cold does not really exist. We have only created that term to describe how we feel when heat is not there.”
The young man continued, “Sir, is there such a thing as dark?” Once again the professor responded, “Of course there is.” And once again, the student replied, “Actually, sir, darkness does not exist. Darkness is really only the absence of light. Darkness is only a term developed to describe what happens when there is no light present.”
Finally, the young man asked, “Sir, is there such a thing as evil?” The professor responded, “Of course, we have rapes, murders and violence everywhere in the world. Those things are evil.” The student replied, “Actually, sir, evil does not exist. Evil is simply the absence of God. Evil is a term developed to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. It isn’t like truth, or love which exist as virtues like heat or
light. Evil is simply the state where God is not present, like cold without heat, or darkness without light.”
The professor had nothing to say……………..
________________________________________________________________________
From this site’s editor:
The discourse above has merit. God is holy [1], which means many things, such as “justice” and “perfection.” It is without doubt synonymous with “deity.”
Since God is transcendent and independent of His created universe (1 Kgs 8:27), He is separate from its inhabitants and feared by them (e.g., Ex 19:10-25; 20:18-21). Thus holiness becomes equivalent to true deity, separating Him from the impotence of the gods of the defeated Egyptians (Ex 15:11): “Who is like unto thee, O Lord, among the gods? Who is like thee, glorious in holiness?” “Holy” in many passages is synonymous with “divine”: “There is none holy [uniquely divine] as the Lord: for there is none beside thee” (1 Sam 2:2; cf. Ps 99:3, 5, 9; Isa 40:25; Hab 3:3). Because He is holy, truly deity and thus infinite, there is no searching of His understanding (Isa 40:28; Ps 145:3). Holiness, then, is what characterizes God, and it includes all His other attributes.
(Wycliffe Bible Dictionary, Barton J. Payne, Th.D., Professor of Old Testament Language and Literature, Covenant Theological Seminary, St. Louis, Mo.)
For certain when there is “holiness” there is the absence of “evil.” God never created evil or anything as evil. Evil, in its purest form, is a “decision” (of the will) made by a created being to exist without (apart from) God. When God created Lucifer, a magnificent and strikingly beautiful angelic form, God created him with the ability of free choice. When Lucifer willfully chose pride to dominate his life and willfully chose to elevate himself to the level of God, it was then that Lucifer (Satan) introduced “evil” into the created universe [2]. When Eve and Adam chose to disobey God in the Garden of Eden, it was they who introduced evil into the human race, which is transmitted (the “sin nature” through the seed of the male from generation to generation, to us today [3].
Did God know before “creation” that His created beings would introduce “evil” into creation? The answer is yes. He knew, but without allowing His created beings the freedom of choice and its result, there could never be a full manifestation and appreciation of God’s holiness, love and grace [4]. What is more is that man, as a creation of God in His image, would never have had the opportunity for true fellowship with God, which is the very essence of the heavenly state. On a parochial plain, we may understand an inkling of this when we understand that there is no appreciation of light without the existence of the absence of light (darkness), or warmth without the existence of the absence of heat (cold). So only in that sense, can one make the accusation that God is “responsible” for the existence of evil, that is, He permitted it to happen. It was not His choice that it was to occur. It was His choice that all created beings would choose Him. But because they did not, He now is able to manifest His true nature to them. In the final analysis it could not have been any other way. Without free choice, man would have been a mere robot, who could never have understood and appreciated the nature of and fellowship with God—the ultimate and perfect state of a created being.
From a human viewpoint there are degrees of evil, but the truth is that “evil” is simply the decision to be “without God.” As one continues to exercise this decision in one’s life, it may well manifest itself in degenerative acts of unspeakable degree that may indeed impact one’s eternal state in hell should one die “spiritually” in that state of being. But no matter the degree, as man so judges the outward forms of evil, any person who is “without God” and thereby in a spiritual state of evil at the time of physical death will face an eternity in this condition apart from God in the lake of fire [5].
The only way a person may escape this spiritual condition (of “evil” or “death” is by faith alone in Christ alone. When a person turns totally and genuinely, by a decision of the will, to Jesus Christ (which is “the” act of repentance, that is, the turning away from every other confidence such as works or religion) by placing full confidence (trust) in Him and His sacrifice on Calvary for his personal salvation; that person instantly (at that moment of decision) is transferred from a spiritual state of evil (without God) to a spiritual state of holiness (union with God). This is a permanent arrangement that can never be undone, by God or man. [6]
Even so, while in human form, which embodies the “sin nature;” a Christian can still experience prodigal moments and journeys [7] as a result of evil (without God) decisions that will affect his present physical life and eternal awards to come [8]. Nevertheless, because the Christian’s soul and spirit are linked with God through Jesus Christ and are always in a spiritual “state of holiness,” they will be secure because of what Christ did, and never because of what the Christian can or will do. [9]
No Christian may every blame God for moral evil within the created universe, nor for any temptation toward evil. God does in fact create in some instances, and permits in others, calamity and adversity in the Christian and non-Christian life for the purpose of punishment, correction and guidance; but never is God the author of moral evil. [10]
The creature—whether angel or human—is created to be God-centered. To become self-centered is a contradiction of the basic law of creature existence. The falsification of God’s moral order, is, when self-centered, complete. It is also found to be a violation of the original design relative to interrelationships between finite beings themselves. Sin is not against God, but is against all other fellow beings.
There are several doctrines that man may never be able to fully understand. The beginning of evil may indeed be one of them. Nevertheless the fact remains that there is evil present within the universe and upon earth. Yet the day is coming for those who by faith alone in Christ alone have changed their spiritual state from “evil” to “holiness,” when they will experience no more evil or its fruit forevermore.
Pitie
May 14, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Pitie, well done, as yet there is no negative responce.
Hans Matthysen
June 23, 2008 at 8:58 pm