Nathan Bond's TART Remarks

After hours of rancorous debate, the Church of England’s ruling body, the General Synod, has voted by a two-to-one majority to allow the ordination of women bishops in the UK. First report.

“Rancorous” even! Brave stuff, this, by the General Synod. In South Africa last year the Dutch Reformed Church made a complex compromise out of a non-decision on gays. Guts. Always admirable. Lack thereof always abominable.

Queen Elizabeth II is the official head of the Church of England, courtesy of Henry VIII who declared himself “single and supreme Lord, and, as far as the law of Christ allows, even supreme head”.

Now if there can’t be female bishops, the head of this ridiculous lot must surely be a man too and therefore Elizabeth II must be a man. A guy named Liz.

How to be an Anglican and not red-faced? Not possible.

Religion. Gimme religion any day for a belly laugh.

Between the mind numbing nonsense of creation and eternal life, religion is a belly laugh: the Virgin Birth; “The Trinity” – surely the single most ridiculous thing ever ideated; Transubstantiation; Limbo; space travel in a jelleba… the mind boggles. Had the Monty Python Troupe existed some 4000 years ago, it would all have made sense.

Anglicans, in these times of wars and rumours of wars, of earthquakes and hurricanes, of hunger and AIDS, are bickering over the sex of people trained to recollect several consecutive stages of suffering and waft about incense.

The Anglican Church owes its very existence to a piece of skirt. They should restrict the ministry to wenches – the current lot crossdress already and that’s a start.

Cathected by Anne Boleyn, the paphian Henry VIII called on the pope – Clement VII – to annul his betrothal to Catherine of Aragon so that he might make an honest women out of Anni. Eventually Henry took matters completely in his own hand, “knew” Ms Boleyn silly and called the breed The Church of England.

In what can only be considered a cosmic bon mot, the anti female crusade has now organised under the unfortunate acronymn FOCA. And you tell me there’s no God!?

For this lot to frown upon female bishops is a scream.

Every time. Just as I think religion cannot possibly become more idiotic…

Jesus and Mo

PLSN. This post contains profanity, strong language, sex and nudity. Reader discretion is advised.

The Anglican Church only exists, truth be told, because Henry VIII could not contain his concupiscence. Cathected by Anne Boleyn, the paphian king called on the pope – Clement VII – to annul his betrothal to Catherine of Aragon so that he might sire a legitimate heir with his demimondaine for fear of political repercussions in the wake of the War of the Roses. And Clement may well have concurred, were not Charles V victorious in war, protective of his aunt and demeaning of the papacy.

So Henry declared himself “single and supreme Lord, and, as far as the law of Christ allows, even supreme head”, shafted the pope and “knew” Ms Boleyn silly. Voila! The Anglican Church!

And now, nearly 500 years later, the Anglican Church may split, no calembour intended, about yet another sexual preference – the love that dares not speak it’s name even now, in the latter half of the first decade of the 21^st century.

I presume that Bishop Gene Robinson had never bludgeoned a lover, nor forced himself upon one. I doubt very much the good Bishop ever had a lover beheaded. In fact, I suspect that Robinson’s love affairs had been mutually respectful liaisons.

No doubt Henry availed himself of any and all orifices generally found in the healthy female body, and therefore trumps, even in death and at least by one, the exploits of the New England bishop.

I am both discombobulated and disgusted that a church founded in lasciviousness can arrogate to have adherents rejecting consensual love as “false gospel” no less.

How ignoble is the emperor sashaying au naturel en route to arrant irrelevance.

The Anglican Church. Verily fucked.