Nathan Bond's TART Remarks

This contribution contains strong language. Reader discretion is advised. See Profanity.

I first took up the pen against religion on January 18, 2003 in a letter to the Afrikaans daily Die Burger.

It’s been five years, eight months and five days.

Today, having browsed the comments on my blog and the comments on my earlier web contributions on LitNet and Kletskerk, I have this specific demand: That somebody – anybody – introduce me to “God”.

I want to meet “God”. No further delays!

I don’t want shit like “he can be seen in the smile of a child” or “just look at the Baberton daisy”. And I certainly don’t want fucking shit like the X formation in the M51 galaxy and the cross formation of the laminin molecule.

I want to meet “God” face to face. I want “God” to take time out of his schedule to come see me personally, look me in the eye, identify himself and put out his bloodied right hand so I can shake it.

Can someone please introduce me?

Or is it asking too much?

By the way, I am not pig-headed. If “God” shows his mug and pulls a white rabbit out of nowhere – anywhere but a top hat – I’ll accept him, or, hopefully, her, and become a believer. I’ll go where the evidence leads. Will you?

On Friday the 13th “God” thought it best to hit the good folks of Cedar Rapids, Iowa with a 500-year record flood. Or, rather, “God” didn’t cause the disaster, His Almighty merely allowed it to happen. Yeah. Right.

The whole thing started when a major tornado struck on May 25. Then the rain started. And didn’t stop. On Wednesday another tornado struck, killing four Boy Scouts.

Charles Schmitt, 19, and his girlfriend Kayla Lambreacht nearly died when they tried to save one of their terrified cats who jumped into the rising river. Charles went after the cat; Kayla went after Charles.

A human being jumps into a roaring river to save a cat, but “Almighty God” sits on His Most Holy Ass and “allows” 15 people to die in a natural disaster.

God’s nullity is his only excuse. But how stupid must one be to believe in this useless doodley-shit “God”! So dipshit is this crummy “God” that he doesn’t even show the kind of compassion for his beloved children that a “sinful man” has for a cat.

Exactly how fuckin’ stupid must one be to believe?

Afrikaans

Op Vrydag die 13^de het “God” dit goedgedink om die mense van Cedar Rapids, Iowa met ‘n 500-jaar rekord vloed te tref. Altans, die “Liefdevolle God” het dit nie gedóén nie, hy het dit net “toegelaat”. Janeenowelfaain.

Die hele besigheid het op 25 Mei begin toe ‘n reuse tornado amok gemaak het. En toe begin dit reën. En dit het net nie ophou reën nie. (“God” het die dreigende ramp nie laat gebéúr nie; “God” het dit net “toegelaat”. In Sy liefde.)

Vyftien mense is al dood. Vier Padvinders (Boy Scouts) is ook dood toe nóg ‘n tornado die Midweste Woensdag getref het.

Charles Schmitt, 19, en sy meisie, Kayla Lambreacht, is ook byna dood toe hulle een van hulle vreesbevange katte probeer red het: Die verbysterde dier het in die stormende rivier gespring; Charles is agterna om die kat te red en Kayka is agterna om Charles te red.

‘n Mens spring in ‘n kolkende rivier om sy kat te red, maar die “Almagtige, Liefdevolle God” sit op sy Allerheiligste gat en laat toe dat 15 mense hulle lewens verloor!

“God” se enigste regverdiging is dat hy nie bestaan nie. Maar hoe onnosel moet ‘n mens wees om ‘n god te aanbid wat so kaksleg useless is dat hy nie eens die empatie vir “sy kinders” het wat een van “sy kinders” vir ‘n dier het nie?

Presies hóé fôkkin stoepit moet ‘n mens wéés om te gló!?

A recent article in By¹ reminded me of Bishop John Shelby Spong’s comments on being a Christian in his book Jesus for the non religious.

Having qualified a labourious answer to the simple question “Are you a Christian”, Spong claims that he still believes in a reality – something named God – behind it all. He does not think that this “God” performs miracles and such naïve Dark Age nonsense, but “God” is still “there”.

It reminds me of a parable spoofing creationism often told by novelist Douglas Adams, quoted here as retold by Richard Dawkins in “Lament for Douglas”, May 14, 2001:

A man didn’t understand how televisions worked, and was convinced that there must be lots of little men inside the box, manipulating images at high speed. An engineer explained to him about high frequency modulations of the electromagnetic spectrum, about transmitters and receivers, about amplifiers and cathode ray tubes, about scan lines moving across and down a phosphorescent screen. The man listened to the engineer with careful attention, nodding his head at every step of the argument. At the end he pronounced himself satisfied. He really did now understand how televisions work. “But I expect there are just a few little men in there, aren’t there?”

Maybe just one little man? Huh? Must be! God. Time to bury this chimera. Really. A funeral long overdue.

1 De Villiers, Johannes. January 12, 2008. Liberale kanon. By, supplement to Die Burger. 12-13.

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Onder die invloed… Onder die invloed van “God”.

‘n Briefskrywer in By, Randa (Diesulkes gee Christene slegte naam, 1/12) betoog dat Christene nie almal “só” is nie – mense wat (byvoorbeeld) “vuur-en-swael SMS’e aan almal wat nie presies soos hulle glo nie” stuur.

In ‘n onlangse artikel in die Los Angeles Times (God’s dupes, 15 Maart 2007) verwys Sam Harris, die skrywer van The End of Faith, na “konsentriese sirkels van dalende redelikheid”. Hy meen dat enigiemand op hierdie kontinuum noodwendig beskerming bied aan iemand anders wat nader aan die middelpunt van ekstremisme is. Dit beteken dat die duidelik meelewende Randa, wat in presies dieselfde God glo as Pat Robertson en James Dobson en D. James Kennedy en Jannie Pelser en Isak Burger, noodwendig aandadig is aan vergrype soos, byvoorbeeld, die ontkenning van wetenskaplike gegewes, die vertrapping van gay regte, die vervolging van rubriekskrywers en onderwysers en DJs en rolprentmakers omdat hulle aspris, goedgelowig, skerp of diepsinnig is, en Dominionisme.

Om die grens van redelikheid oor te steek en ‘n transendentale “God” as ‘n werklikheid te aanvaar, is om ‘n ruimte te help handhaaf waarbinne afgryslike monsters gedy. Of jy nou in die nok van die sirkel staan, of op die rand.

As die vergrype van die godsdiens ooit getemper of geneutraliseer gaan word, sal die aftakeling van die buitenste konsentriese sirkel af moet begin – daar waar die gewone meelewende kerkbankers hulle van die fundamentalistiese middelpunt disassosieër, maar inderdaad presies so waandenkend (delusional) is soos hulle medegelowiges in die middel. Wanneer hierdie “goeie” gelowiges hulle rol in die vergrype van die godsdiens besef sal ‘n nuwe hoofstuk in die mens se vooruitgang aanbreek.

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5FM DJ Gareth Cliff apparently called “God” petty. On air nogal.

(He didn’t call “God” petty, though. He said: “If God wants to be petty leave Him to be petty”. That’s a far cry from saying “God is petty”.)

Yet, well said, sir!

But, hey, “God” is not merely “petty”!

Created by fear and nourished by ignorance, clothed in the vestiges of fanatic deceit, worshiped by weakness, preserved by credulity; supported by custom and tyranny, god is no more than an incredible utilitarian conception – a bespoke chimera in service of psychedelic human experience: god is a cheap analgesic; a ready hallucinogenic. From Cain’s invitation to Abel, “Let’s go out in the fields”, through Srebrenica and 9/11 and Bali and Gujarat, to Turkey and Beslan and Hai al-Amaal, and from the Islamboeli in Ossetia and the Djemaah Islamijah in Pantai Jimbaran to breaking news on CNN, singular interpretation of the dictates of a god with the manners and the morals of a mollycoddled minor has seen multitudes maimed and massacred. (It’s religion, stupid!)

We need more people like Gareth Cliff.

He writes to a complaining listener: “That is a reasonable supposition, not a controversial opinion. I wasn’t saying GOD IS PETTY. You must listen carefully before you jump to the conclusion that I am out to offend you or destroy what your religion means to you. I don’t have any desire to mess with what you or the Muslims who are about to give that poor woman lashes for naming a teddy bear Mohammed believe. Just don’t expect me to believe it too.”

Indeed, sir!

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Zapiro se jongste spotprent sê dat nóg die Drieëenheid (een begrip, een woord, 3 e’s) nóg Jehova bestaan. (God bestaan dus nie.) Nóg die Ou Dywil.

Zapiro maak nie soos Deon Maas gemaak het nie – Zapiro bepleit nie verdraagsaamheid vir mense wat verskillende gode en dywils aanbid nie, Zapiro sê prontuit dat daar geen bewyse is vir die bestaan van gode en dywils nie. God en Satan – en Zeus en die Tannemuis – is inderdaad almal dieselfde: storiekaraktertjies.

Gaan Jesus se soldaatjies weer in opstand kom om “Sy Heilige Naam” te verdedig? Weer sms en epos en dreig om lorries te kaap en om nie koerante te koop nie?

Wat gaan redakteurs met Zapiro se spotprent doen?

“Ons is Jiésis se soldááikies, ja menéér!“

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