Nathan Bond's TART Remarks

Religion: Respect? Ridicule!

Smokin’… and stirred

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So, it’s possible, even probable according to Benny Shanon, a professor of cognitive psychology at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem writing in the Time and Mind journal of philosophy, that Moses was high when most of the bellwether events in Judeo-Christianity took place.

It may even be that these events weren’t events at all, but simply chemically induced alternative realities in a mind aglow with whirling transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapour of invention.

My good friend, Mayor of Manhole, Mississippi, Leroy Tecumseh van Buren has elucidated on “Belief” with this xyresic statement: “I think it’s a massive, collective, psychotic chemical flashback for all the drugs smoked, swallowed, shot, and absorbed rectally by all Americans from 1960 to 1990. Thirty years of street drugs will get you some fucking convictions, my friend!” (“Convictions”. Yeah. Right. Simply couldn’t help myself.)

Personally, I’ve always thought that belief in Zeus, the Easter Bunny and God is brought on by gross quantities of impure corn liquor and generations of profoundly unbiblical sex.

But, of course, it is certainly possible – probable even – that Leroy and I concocted our views in the overwhelming presence of John.*

* In the movie Scent of a Woman, Al Pacino’s character, Lt. Col. Frank Slade, has this to say in conversation with Charlie Simms…

Lt. Col. Frank Slade: Clear them little bottles off. And when I get off the phone here, call up Hyman and tell him I want it wall to wall with John Daniels.
Charlie Simms: Don’t you mean Jack Daniels?
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: He may be Jack to you son, but when you’ve known him as long as I have… that’s a joke.

(With acknowledgment, among others, to Harvey Korman’s Hedley Lamarr in Blazing Saddles, and the indefatigable George Carlin.)

Written by Nathan Bond

March 5, 2008 at 08:35

Posted in Religion must go!

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