Feelin’ vrot*? Fantasize!
LP. Reader discretion is advised.
6-0-0-0-0 men, m-i-g-h-t-y m-e-n, marchin’ on the KwaZulu town Greyton. They’ve come aprayin’ and aworshipin’.
The Mighty Men Conference 2008. It’s a marketing coup to die for, to be sure. I am envious of the campaign. It wants awards, it does. And the bootstrapping of Angus Buchan is awesome. I admire the man for sticktoitiveness. I do not have personal knowledge of his Beth-Hatlaim Children Home, but can only hope – I have no Faith – that it certainly alleviates suffering.
Yet the 60 000 are delusional. “God” would not prevent the server crash; “God” did not dissipate the traffic jams (beam me there, Goddy) and the congested mobile communications networks. And it was plain old garden variety vanilla business planning and stock control by alert business that ensured sufficient stockpiles of food and medicine, not the intervention of “God”. (The logistical problems were no doubt curve balls from the Cosmic Bowler Himself, testing, testing, testing…)
60 000 men, vies (disquieted) and gatvol (at the end of one’s tether), got together this weekend to bolster each other and to speak and dream of a better tomorrow. Nothing wrong with that. Good thing, in fact.
But to assure each other and oneself that “God” somehow, miraculously, is going to change it all? Give me a beak. Delusional. These people are dof**. They’re high on an even greater menace that Durban Poison*** – Faith.
Buchan (and presumably most every one of the 60 000) believes that the Bible is the inspired, infallible and authoritative Word of God; in the eternal triune God; in the deity of our Lord Jesus Christ, in His virgin birth, in His sinless life, in His miracles, in His vicarious and atoning death through His shed blood, in His bodily resurrection, in His ascension to the right hand of the Father and His personal return in power and glory. That for the salvation of the lost and sinful man, regeneration by the Holy Spirit is absolutely essential. In the present ministry of the Holy Spirit by whose indwelling the Christian is enabled to live a Godly life; in the resurrection of both the saved and the lost; they that are saved – unto resurrection of life – and they that are lost – unto resurrection of damnation. In the creation, test and fall of man, as recorded in Genesis; His total depravity and inability to attain to divine righteousness apart from God; in the Lord Jesus Christ; The Saviour of men, conceived of the Holy Spirit, born of the virgin Mary – very God and very man. In the spiritual unity of believers in our Lord Jesus Christ. (From the Shalom Ministries website; I corrected the spelling mistakes.)
Pure, unadulterated crap.
And are not 80% of South Africans already “Christians” – believers in “The Risen Christ”? Are not more than 90% of South Africans in awe of some sort of “God”? And yet. And yet.
Religion. What a crock. I wonder what 60 000 able bodied men, backed by the millions that were spent in transportation alone could have accomplished in an informal settlement somewhere. In a single weekend. One pair of hands working accomplishes more than 60 000 pairs of hands clasped in prayer.
But hey, if Faith’s your thing, smoke!, ek sê****. Praise Jeeee-sus! And listen to them potatoes grow! And the delusion.
By the way, Buchan’s bumper potato crop business turned into a movie has me thumped. I am most extremely doubtful that “God” manipulated weather patterns to deliver the bounty, but if indeed His Almighty intervened I think it only goes to prove that “God” is a cosmic blunderer of stupendous magnitude. I have this to say to “The Great Potato Farmer in the Sky”: Fuck the spuds, doffie**, and attend to the starving AIDS orphans in Africa. At least!
* Vrot. (Afrikaans – Rotten, putrid.) Used by all language groups to describe something highly undesirable, or smelly, or rotten. It can also mean drunk to the point of being completely paralytic. “I was vrot last night”. Surfrikan Slang
** Dof. (Afrikaans – “not bright”, “dull”.) Someone who is dof, is not necessarily that way all the time. It is often used to describe a temporary loss of brain cells. “Don’t be dof, you stupid doos.” (Don’t be a complete moron, you stupid c**t). It can also be used as a noun. “You doffie.” (You stupid person). Surfrikan Slang
*** Durban Poison. The name awarded one of South Africa’s choice grade cannabis vintages. Grown in KwaZulu Natal, this dagga is minty, almost peppery, and “makes on”. (Makes you totally wasted.) Surfrikan Slang
**** Ek sê. (Afrikaans – “I say”.) “I tell you”. An affirmative phrase to add impact to what you are communicating. Used in a fascinating variety of contexts all over the country. “Let’s hit the jol ek sê.” Surfrikan Slang