Nathan Bond's TART Remarks

Religion: Respect? Ridicule!

Die Christelike obsessie met die Piel

with 39 comments

As dit ‘n piel het moet dit baas wees en basta. Die Hoofmuis oor 60000 Magtige Muise, “Oom Angus”, het die man as hoof van die huis, of soos die Weskaap se noeste geloofskommunikant, dr Bernard Ficker dit stel – “priester-van-die-huis” – opnuut as ‘n grondbeginsel van die Christelike orde uitgewys.

Wanneer “God” besluit of ‘n bepaalde sigoot ‘n piel gaan ontwikkel, sit “Sy Almatigheid” ‘n ietsie ekstra in die “siel” wat hy toeken?

Behalwe natuurlik waar die INAH 2 en 3 neurons klein ontwikkel (‘n toestand wat ‘n bepalende rol by seksuele oriëntasie speel). Sigote wat beide piele en klein INAH 2 en 3 neurons ontwikkel is selfs laer as… as… as ‘n vrou.

Ek wens ek het genoeg verstand gehad om godiote te verstaan.

“God” het blykbaar ook ‘n stel balletjies en, volgens Michaelangelo, ‘n beskei ou pielietjie wat slap en onbesny in die liesie hang. En kyk hoe fôk dié “man” op: Net waar jy kyk is daar moord en doodslag en verhongerde en MIV-besmette en verminkte kinders en vloede en aardbewings en orkane. Maar, sê die godiote, dissie “God” se skuld nie. Dis ons mense se skuld… oor die een of ander vrugtestelery wat toendertyd “God” – die “almatige” god – se moer allerverskrikliks gepluk het en “Sy Almagtigheid” se ganse strategiese meesterplan totentaal en al opgefôk het.

Ek dink dis hoogtyd dat vroue voorvat. Soos dit oorspronklik wás, maaind joe. Hierdie pielobsessie moet einde kry. Wat maak dit nou saak of jy staan of sit as jy pis? Alhoewel, daar was daai vrouemajoor in die armie destyds… en ek dink sit is gemakliker as staan, per geleentheid.

Godiote is naïewe dommerds. Punt.

Written by Nathan Bond

June 7, 2008 at 12:41

39 Responses

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  1. Boela,

    Daar het jy dit nou! Thor het die faait gewen!!
    Laat dit vir jou ‘n les wees!!!

    ErickV

    September 26, 2012 at 10:51

  2. ErickV glo in Thor. Thor het ‘n hamer. Boela se god was aan ‘n plank vasgespyker. Enige vrae?

    Jan Swart

    September 25, 2012 at 21:37

  3. Boela, oubaas se honne!

    Wie gee jou die reg om my god te misken!?
    My god, Thor, sal jou bliksem met weerligstale todat jy jouself besin en in hom te begin glo!!
    Anders gaan hy jou verdoem na die plek waar die oorsprong van weerligstrale is!
    Die plek se naam is “Plek Van Donders”. Jou hare gaan regop staan en jou brein gaan kook vir ewig!
    Repent brother, repent!!!!!

    ErickV

    September 25, 2012 at 08:47

  4. Yawn, just another dilusional fundie!

    ErickV

    September 25, 2012 at 08:34

  5. Boela, se my sommer waarom jy die bestaan van al die ander gelowe en gode ontken, maar vas glo jou spesifieke god is die enigste “ware” een?

    Shazee

    September 22, 2012 at 13:45

  6. Oh, and before I forget Boela, please elaborate in depth on what exactly I need “saving” from and how this “saving” works in reality (i.e., as opposed to the play-play nonsense laid out in the Holey Babble).

    Thanks in advance, ou pêl. ’Preciate it lots.

    Con-Tester

    September 22, 2012 at 10:51

  7. 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆

      
      
    

    Shit Boela, you know even less than your first comment revealed. You think I believe all the other skydaddies are real while yours is a fake and that I’m scared!?

    What a fucking joke. Try again, ou pêl.

    As for turning back, try reading what your Holey Babble says about blasphemy against the Holey Fart… I mean Spirit. That would be Mark 3:29 and Matthew 12:31. Then have a look at Luke 19:27 to see why I think your Jeeeeeebussssst! is almost as big a doos as those who profess to follow him.

    Oh wait, I’ve got it all wrong because I’m taking it “literally” and in “the wrong context”.

    Yeah, right. That’s why you believers are so endlessly amusing. You’re never at a loss to cook up new fantasies.

      
      
    

    😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆

    Con-Tester

    September 22, 2012 at 10:03

  8. Con-tester
    waarom betwyfel jy juis God en nie al die ander gode van ander gelowe nie? Omdat jy die realiteit besef van die Een ware lewende God, en jy is bang!!! Kom ek stel dit vir jou so, jy wat nie in God glo nie is net vrekbang vir die evangelie!! Dit pla jou omdat jy tog weet wat die voorland is van die sondaar, anders sou jy geswyg het net soos jy swyg oor die ander gode wat in werklikheid net afgode is! “allah” straf ook “sy” volgelinge met ‘n ewige dood as hulle Islam ongehoorsaam is! Waarom praat jy nie oor “hom” nie? Goeie nuus is dat jy ook kan terugdraai na Christus toe om gered te word! Ek kyk uit vir jou!!

    Boela

    September 22, 2012 at 09:28

  9. Shazee God het jou gemaak na Sy beeld en gelykenis. Dat Hy vir jou ‘n Vader kan wees en jy vir Hom ‘n kind kan wees, omdat Hy net die goeie vir jou in stoor het, omdat Hy vir jou wil sorg en voorsien, sodat jy die lewe kan hê en die volheid daarvan. God het alles goed gemaak maar die die mens het sy eie slim planne gesoek! Jy is nie as ‘n sondaar gebore nie maar wel in sonde, m.a.w jy is in die sondige natuur gebore maar het dan nog geen sonde gedoen nie. Eers wanneer jy toerekeningsvatbaar word, dit is as jy kan onderskei tussen reg en verkeerd en nadat jy deur iemand geleer is wat is gehoorsaamheid en ongehoorsaamheid, dan begin dit dat jy sondig wanneer jy verkeerde dinge doen. So God skep jou nie met die gedagte jy gaan in elk geval sondig en ‘n sondaar wees nie. nee hy skep jou met sy beste plan vir jou in gedagte. Wanneer jy dan begin met sonde dis wanneer satan, die verwoester, jou wegskeur van God af en omdat die Here jou geskape het met ‘n eie wil, moet jy die keuse maak om Hom te dien of om Satan te dien. God forseer hom nie op enige mens af maar hy stel die keuse en ons moet besluit wil ons vir ewig lewe of vir ewig sterwe!

    So NEE jy Hy wil jou herstel en die ewige lewe skenk; en
    NEE die sonde het nie vat aan jou gekry nog voor jy gebore is nie; en
    JA jy kan nou enige tyd terugdraai van hierdie sondige, onkundige en veleide lewe, terug na God toe deur Jesus Christus aan te neem as jou Verlosser!!

    Ek is opgewonde oor jou navraag want ek ervaar die Here is besig om met jou te spreek. Skryf gerus weer as jy vrae het!
    Jesus-groete

    Boelaxxx

    September 22, 2012 at 09:18

  10. Boela, kan jy vir my verduidelik waar god “reverdig” is?

    Is dit omdat hy toegelaat het ek gebore word, wel wetende dat ek vir ewig in die die hel gaan brand – hy moes geweet het, hy is mos alwetend?

    Het ek moontliik my “vrye wil” uitgeoefen om te sondig voor ek nog gebore was?

    Dit klink nie vir my vreeslik “regverdig” nie, maar moontlik kan jy dit vir my verduidelik.

    Shazee

    September 22, 2012 at 08:32

  11. Shit Boela, you think your Holey Babble verses hold any persuasive power whatsoever for unbelievers? Especially those who of their own accord left the very tradition you’re preaching from?

    ’Cos if you think so, you’re in serious need of a reality check.

    And what about other faiths? Have you tried this tactic on Muslims or Hindus? Any successes there, boet?

    Con-Tester

    September 21, 2012 at 17:52

  12. 1Joh3:7My kinders, laat niemand julle mislei nie: wie die geregtigheid doen, is regverdig soos Hy regverdig is. 8 Hy wat die sonde doen, is uit die duiwel, want die duiwel sondig van die begin af. Vir hierdie doel het die Seun van God verskyn, om die werke van die duiwel te verbreek.
    9 Elkeen wat uit God gebore is, doen geen sonde nie, omdat sy saad in hom bly; en hy kan nie sondig nie, want hy is uit God gebore. 10 Hierin is die kinders van God en die kinders van die duiwel openbaar: elkeen wat die geregtigheid nie doen nie, is nie uit God nie, en hy ook wat sy broeder nie liefhet nie.

    Boela

    September 20, 2012 at 10:20

  13. Andrew

    I don’t doubt for a moment that your concern for me is real. And I thank you.

    I sincerely hope you find a way to deal with your demons and be at peace.

    Nathan Bond

    September 10, 2008 at 21:06

  14. Jesus loves you so much Nathan!
    When I entered into satanism (20 years ago) – my mind was opened to another world, I would find demons often in my room, even ghosts! As clear as I could see you Nathan, I would see them. Even after I gave my life to Christ that door was not closed, I even found a young lady in my room one night, just a spirit, when she saw I could see her she reacted very odd, she came over to me as if she wanted me to be sure to know she was real, she moved over my head and then turned and went out the room. I lay in a petrified and frozen position for five minutes before I could move. One day while driving – in my desperation to get a restful nights sleep I said to God, “Cut me off from the spiritual world!” and that is all it took to close that door. Even too this day I cannot sleep in a house alone. Not because of the crime, but because I am so petrified I will open my eyes and have something staring down at me. As long as my wife is with me – I can sleep.
    Might sound a little lame Nathan – but you see – I cannot be like you – I know there is a spirtual world and I know there are good and bad spirits. So you keep going on and on about how so and so is a god and spewing out stuff to make people mad. I am not mad with you Nathan – I just want you to understand there is a Christ who loves you and has your best interests at heart. Don’t for a moment belive you have all the time in the world and if you die in this state you will have angels greeting you. No you will have those creatures I saw greeting you! let me know when you’ve asked Jesus to come into your life!

    Andrew

    September 10, 2008 at 20:52

  15. Andrew

    What have you seen, dear boy?

    And have you not heard? There’s a new cosmic order – Gordon is now “God” and we’re all gonna drown forever. Burnin’ is out! Drownin’ is in!

    Nathan Bond

    September 10, 2008 at 20:05

  16. Hi Nathan

    I have given you a break – now why don’t you skip heading for that raging fire and give your life over to Jesus? Times almost up Nathan! I asure you that what I have seen will make you jump into your mothers arms crying like a little baby. Times almost up Nathan – open that door to Jesus and as the Bible says – ‘The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom’. Why don’t you just find out for yourself. A little dumb to burn forever Nathan. believe it or not – I want to see you in paradise.
    Dear Lord Jesus – I repent of my Sin, I turn my life over to you Lord Jesus. I forgive those who have sinned against me and now I am reborn in Jesus Christs name. Amen

    Andrew

    September 10, 2008 at 19:58

  17. Not in the minds of the believer, Mr Bond. There, it is all the doings of the gods, and statistics – rather than religion – is just our ignorance formalised. 😉

    Con-Tester

    September 9, 2008 at 08:30

  18. Mr Tester

    Ain’t it curious how the intervention of the gods and statistical probability converge?

    Nathan Bond

    September 9, 2008 at 06:56

  19. I asked god – any god – to lend a divine hand in my quest to throw a double six in a game of backgammon. One of them heard my imprecations and deigned to intervene on my behalf. Still, I don’t mean to appear the ingrate but one intervention in four games is a bit on the lean side. Then again, I suppose s/he must be a very busy deity, what with those very many other vital duties to attend to.

    Con-Tester

    September 8, 2008 at 22:01

  20. Andrew!

    Way to go! Be strong and good luck!

    Daan Van der Merwe

    September 8, 2008 at 21:59

  21. Andrew

    I know this is scabrous, but I have absolutely no empathy with anyone who speaks to devils and gods and sees “spiritual beings”. What utter booboisie pap!

    So… some poster falls off a wall and “God” is conjectured?

    Give me a break! Give me a fucking break!

    Nathan Bond

    September 8, 2008 at 21:03

  22. Anton said, on July 18th, 2008 at 1:14 pm
    Nathan, jy gaan n ontnugtering kry wanneer jy sterf en jy voor God gaan staan by die Wit troon oordeel. God laat hom nie bespot nie.
    Ek hoop jy draai om en soek God dat jy die ewige lewe kan beerwe.
    Jy is oppad hel toe.

    Lekker Anton, lekker man lekker.

    Waar is die hel ?
    Kan ek gaan kyk wat wys daar ?

    DW

    September 8, 2008 at 21:00

  23. Frans said, on July 20th, 2008 at 6:49 pm
    Every one has his or her own believe. We as Christians believe in God and eternal live with our God. Strange how our God managed to get more than 70 000 people together. Makes you think .

    Ja beslis .

    Die Pous het nou die dag 500 000 mal Aussie byeengetrek , fok Hitler begin soos ‘n amateur lyk. Mind you , Mecca maak almal se naam gat as dit by massa opsweping kom.

    Dit lyk my Allah is die ware god as ‘n mens so na getalle kyk, of het die sendings opdrag misluk ?

    Inderdaad , dis verstommend dat paganisme vandag nog so lewendig is .

    DW

    September 8, 2008 at 20:57

  24. Hi Nathan

    The reason I ask you to turn yor questions to Jesus is because I used to be a satanist until I found myself one night faced by a cloaked spiritual being at the foot of my bed – there was a raging scream coming from somewhere and I realised to my delight that this being in front of me was performing a possession of me, God was showing me what was happening in the spiritual realm. I did not call to satan in that minute – I then started screaming to God for help – over and over.
    I turned my life over to Jesus that night and the following night I said to God to test Him (I know you must not test God, but I did) – If you hate the poster on the wall in my bedroom – rip it down now. Within less than a minute the poster of satan in hell fell onto the floor – and so began my belief. God shows me he exists everyday, and not just by the lovely flowers and the green trees, no – I assure you , what many of these Christians are frustratingly trying to tell you is – STOP LOOKING TO HUMANS FOR THE ANSWER – FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, JUST ASK JESUS!

    Andrew

    September 8, 2008 at 19:43

  25. Andrew

    The benefit of the doubt? That there may be some “god” after all?

    Well, shall we give the flat-earthers the benefit of the doubt too? And the astrologists? And the frenologists? And the alchemists? How about the drug lords? They support entire communities and even provide education for children in South American areas.

    Do you propose that I muster hope from some silly belief in a better future somewhere in the sky, now being prepared by some itinerant soothsayer who died some 2000 years ago?

    No hope is always preferable to false hope. And Christians, o boy, do they have false hope!

    I, on the other hand, work and plan for my future. I have hope when I look into the eyes of loved ones – real hope of a joint effort for a better tomorrow. A tomorrow where people who believe dumb things – the George W Bushes and the Ayatollahs – are no longer running the world.

    Give you Christians the benefit of the doubt? So you can fuck up the world where I am trying to raise citizens even more?

    Give me a break.

    Nathan Bond

    September 7, 2008 at 15:52

  26. Dear Nathan

    Perhaps you could give us (Just as human as you) Christians the benefit of the doubt and stop venting on us. Perhaps you turn your speech up to Jesus Christ and ask what he has to say on the subject, may be by knocking on that door you will then find what you looking for. Surley you too want hope for the future, surely you want protection and love for your children. Where do you get this hope from?

    Andrew

    September 7, 2008 at 14:46

  27. Martin
    Die “sonde” is dus sterker as “God”? Want daar is heelwat lyding om ons heen.
    Is “God” werklik so kleinlik dat hy Adam en Eva se vrugtestelery vandág nog op onskuldige kinders wreek? Ek wil níks met só ‘n god te doen hê nie. Netnou kry hy mý kinders óók beet!

    Nathan Bond

    July 21, 2008 at 12:42

  28. Ongelukkig nie so groot stadion in suid afrika nie, kry vi ons ‘n groter venue en ons maak hom ook vol. Of oom Angus, kom ons maak al die stadions in die land vol en wys vir Nathan ons is nie sissies nie, dis sissies wat nie kan opstaan vir God nie, Nathan daar is hongersnood en vigswesies in die wereld a.g.v. sonde en nie a.g.v. God nie.

    Martin Puth

    July 21, 2008 at 12:37

  29. Frans
    “70 000”? Why not 60 000 again… or 75 000? Or 90 000? Doesn’t make me think.

    Nathan Bond

    July 20, 2008 at 19:28

  30. Every one has his or her own believe. We as Christians believe in God and eternal live with our God. Strange how our God managed to get more than 70 000 people together. Makes you think .

    Frans

    July 20, 2008 at 18:49

  31. Anton, ék spot nie! Ek sê maar net wat die gelowiges sê. As jy dink dit is bespotlik…

    Nathan Bond

    July 18, 2008 at 13:21

  32. Nathan, jy gaan n ontnugtering kry wanneer jy sterf en jy voor God gaan staan by die Wit troon oordeel. God laat hom nie bespot nie.

    Ek hoop jy draai om en soek God dat jy die ewige lewe kan beerwe.

    Jy is oppad hel toe.

    God laat hom nie bespot nie. Wat die mens saai sal hy maai.

    Anton

    July 18, 2008 at 13:14

  33. Jy kan dít weer sê, Retha! Kyk maar net die arme vigswesies in Afrika! Laaste plek waar jy wil wees is in die hande van “god”!

    Nathan Bond

    July 14, 2008 at 10:25

  34. “It is a fearfull thing to fall into the hands of the Living God”. Moet dit nie vergeet nie!

    Retha

    July 14, 2008 at 09:55

  35. Nathan, jy glo seker in die matriarg en ek kan dus net daarvan aflei, dat daar nie ‘n voorbeeldige vadersfiguur in jou jeug was. Neem dus kennis, dat almal nie dieselfde as jy ervaar het. Dit maak ook nou vir my sin hoekom jy so teen die Christendom of God is omdat dit patriarg is. Dit is nie nodig om die twee teenoor mekaar af te speel nie, want elk het bestaansreg en het verskillende rolle in ons bestaan.
    Yente, as respek nie deel van jou bestaan is nie, dan is jy in ‘n put van selfvernietiging en dit is jammer. Ek reken dit is idiologie.

    Hans Matthysen

    July 8, 2008 at 22:39

  36. Yente
    Jy kan altyd op die godsdiens staatmaak vir ‘n belly laugh. As die idiotologie (sic) net nie so gevaarlik was nie, sou dit skreeusnaaks wees.

    Nathan Bond

    June 21, 2008 at 07:19

  37. Respect! Lanklaas iets soveel geniet!

    Yente

    June 20, 2008 at 18:44

  38. Hans, ek leef al baie lank met persoonlike aanvalle – ek eis geen respek nie; ek verwag nie respek nie. As jy niks oor die argument te sê het nie…

    Nathan Bond

    June 12, 2008 at 20:30

  39. Nathan, as jy sulke twak skryf, dan moet jy nie kerm as mense jou met geen respek behandel nie en as mense jou persoon aanval nie.
    Jy het blykbaar ‘n obssesie om die Christendom en die Bybel sleg te probeer maak, kom oor dit en voer gesprek van een wat volwasse is, want jy skep die indruk, dat jy net ‘n leë blik is, wat ‘n groot lawaai maak. Jy kom voor as een wat baie kennis het en tog weinig wysheid. Ek sny nou bietjie reguit, want ek dink tog, erns is daar nog goedheid en liefde in jou.

    Hans Matthysen

    June 12, 2008 at 19:54


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