Nathan Bond's TART Remarks

Religion: Respect? Ridicule!

George Carlin is dead at 71

with 4 comments

One of my all-time favourite comedians, George Carlin, died of heart failure Sunday.

Here’s George on religion…

Here’s another question I’ve been pondering – what is all this shit about angels? Have you heard this? Three out of four people belive in angels. Are you fucking stupid? Has everybody lost their mind? You know what I think it is? I think it’s a massive, collective, psychotic chemical flashback for all the drugs smoked, swallowed, shot, and obsorbed rectally by all Americans from 1960 to 1990. Thirty years of street drugs will get you some fucking angels, my friend!

In the Bullshit Department, a businessman can’t hold a candle to a clergyman. ‘Cause I gotta tell you the truth, folks. When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion. No contest. No contest. Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told.

Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man – living in the sky – who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever ’til the end of time!

(God) loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He’s all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can’t handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!

If this is the best God can do, I’m not impressed.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

I credit that eight years of grammar school with nourishing me in a direction where I could trust myself and trust my instincts. They gave me the tools to reject my faith. They taught me to question and think for myself and to believe in my instincts to such an extent that I just said, ‘This is a wonderful fairy tale they have going here, but it’s not for me.’

I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

The bloodiest, most brutal wars fought, all based on religious hatred. Which is fine with me! Any time a bunch of holy people want to go out and kill each other I’m a happy guy!

Christians worship a dead Jew on a stick.

I want you to know, when it comes to believing in god – I really tried. I really really tried. I tried to believe that there is a god who created each one of us in his own image and likeness, loves us very much and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize…something is FUCKED-UP. Something is WRONG here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption and (The Young and the Restless). Something is definitely wrong. This is NOT good work. If this is the best god can do, I am NOT impressed. Results like these do not belong on the resume of a supreme being. This is the kind of shit you’d expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently run universe, this guy would have been out on his all-powerful-ass a long time ago.

You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Joe Pesci. Two reasons; first of all, I think he’s a good actor. O.K. To me, that counts. Second; he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn’t fuck around. Doesn’t fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that god was having trouble with. For years I asked god to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog. Joe Pesci straightened that cock-sucker out with one visit.


Written by Nathan Bond

June 23, 2008 at 22:39

Posted in Religion must go!

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4 Responses

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  1. Dit wil vir my voorkom of George Carlin, nooit die waarheid gevind het nie omdat hy op die verkeerde plekke, God gesoek het. Daardie klomp wat so geld behep is, is nie God se volk nie, hulle is verlei deur ‘n Simon die towenaar, wat dink hulle kan die Heilige Gees koop met geld (sien Hand. 8).
    “n Engel is tog net een wat ‘n hemelse boodskap bring, m.a.w. ‘n mens. Die persepsie wat baie soogenaamde Christenne het, van ‘n engel, is vals.

    Hans Matthysen

    July 8, 2008 at 21:04

  2. Johannes
    Ja, jy moennie op my blog fôkkin vlóék nie!
    Ek is jammer as ek jou “gemodereer” het – ek weet nie daarvan nie; soms gooi hierdie blogmeganisme sekere poste as spam uit en ek vee dit sonder meer uit. My verskoning as ek iets van jou verloor het. Dis maar net die ouens wat Huisgenoot-Huisgenoot hier op my werf wil speel wat ek ignoreer.

    Nathan Bond

    June 25, 2008 at 13:18

  3. Sorry typo… moet lees “…Hy is seker bang vlo(e)k op sy blog!”

    johannes coetzee

    June 25, 2008 at 13:07

  4. Ek is so dankbaar dat Mr Bond my moderate… hys seker bang ek vlok of sy blog!

    johannes coetzee

    June 24, 2008 at 11:28

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