Nathan Bond's TART Remarks

Religion: Respect? Ridicule!

When a plan comes together

with one comment

Dontcha just lovit when a plan comes together?

And man, can “God” bring plans together!

On Tuesday one Absolom Morifi crashed into a truck on the highway between Rivonia Road and the Buccleuch Interchange (Johannesburg, South Africa) and after emergency personnel (amazed to hear Morifi talking as they tried to reach him in his wrecked car, wedged under the truck) removed him unscathed from the wreckage, he dusted himself off and praised God.

This event, a veritable deus ex machina, was the culmination of one of God’s little Kodak moment setups.

It all started on Sunday – two days earlier. Morifi went to church and was overcome by guilt for not paying his tithe. God, apparantly, duly took notice of both the arrears payment and Morifi’s guilt. And a cosmic “I’ll be showing you!” took shape in the mind of Al-Quddoos (القدوس – The Most Holy; God).

On Tuesday, Morifi’s guilt was consuming. He cancelled a life assurance policy in order to cede his monthly installment to the church and make right with God.

Al-Quddoos was rubbing his creative hands in glee… a few hours hours later Morifi crashed into the truck, or the truck into Morifi, and the miracle unscathed escape ended in another cosmic Kodak moment for God.

“Thanks for the payment, Absolom! And don’t you worry none now about providing for yourself and your family. I’ll be lookin’ out for you!”

The underwriting industry must be shaking with fear.

The feckless idiocy of cancelling a life assurance policy in order to pay Al-Quddoos’ tithe is discombobulating.

Now, to God. Listen, doos*, why don’t you drop the silly bugger pranking and address child suffering in Africa, at least!?

God. Nullity is Al-Quddoos’ only allure.

* Doos. (Afrikaans – Female genitalia) “You are such a doos.” This means you are a complete idiot. (Surfrikan slang)


Written by Nathan Bond

July 16, 2008 at 11:01

Posted in Religion must go!

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One Response

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  1. Nathan, I cannot beleave that you have missed the point. Africa does not want any intervention from outside, as Afrca’s problems, must be sorted out by Africans, in an African way.
    When God “interveins”, you are unhappy and when God does not “intervein” you are unhappy.

    Hans Matthysen

    July 16, 2008 at 20:47

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