Nathan Bond's TART Remarks

Religion: Respect? Ridicule!

Angus se reëngod

with 26 comments

Duisende Christene het Saterdagmiddag reën getrotseer om na Angus “I haven’t bin to Baaibil College” Buchan op Coca-Cola-park in Johannesburg te luister. Hul geesdrif het al hoe groter geraak terwyl die reën al hoe harder geval het.

“Jesus is die reënmaker”, het Angus gesê.

Jaaaa, boet. So tipies soos ‘n horingpetjie op ‘n Blou Bul-ondersteuner se kop.

Die manlike luggode soos Tiwe, Thor, Baal, El (wat uiteindelik die hedendaagse Christen-god geword het), Brahman, Zeus en Jupiter was algemeen bekend daarvoor dat hulle die weer beheer het. ‘n Voorbeeld van hierdie geloof is die bekende gebiddery van Elia en die profete van Baal op Karmel vir een van die gode om ‘n braaivleis aan te steek.

Hierdie Vader Lug godsdienste het prominensie gekry tydens die aanbreek van die Bronstydperk ongeveer 5000 jaar gelede. Dis nogals ‘n interessante storie en met baie seks. Landbougereedskap is uit brons gemaak en Moeder Aarde se vrugbaarheid is met ploeg en eg getem. Moeder Aarde is deur manlik-beheerde instrumente gepenetreer, bevrug en haar opbrengs gestroop. Maar die weer kon nie beheer word nie. Mense het toe hulle oë van die grond af gelig en na die hemele opgeslaan vir hulp.

Hier in die laaste deel van die eerste dekade van die 21ste eeu bly die Bronstyd-verhaaltjies moerse ougat. Maar vir aartappelboere en gewone sterflinge is meteorologie ‘n beter opsie. As die luggode. Rérig.

Ek hoop Angus gaan nie weg nie. Hy’s ‘n ware grapjas.

Bron:
Durand, Francois. 2006. Die herkoms van die mens en religie. In Swanepoel, Francois (Red). ‘n Groot misterie om vandag oor goddelikheid te praat. CB Powell-Bybelsentrum. Universiteit van Suid-Afrika. Pretoria.17.

Written by Nathan Bond

November 9, 2008 at 17:22

26 Responses

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  1. Hans Matthysen skryf (Januarie 26, 2010 at 10:37 n.m.):

    Wees realisties asseblief.

    Eish!

    Con-Tester

    January 27, 2010 at 10:43

  2. Hans Matthysen wrote (January 26, 2010 at 10:13 pm):

    Con-Tester, I don’t believe in a skyfairy…

    A rose, by any other name…” Would you be happier if I called your skyfairy a “hallucidaddy”?

    Hans Matthysen wrote (January 26, 2010 at 10:13 pm):

    … most religious leaders are dishonest, as they are making money out of the ignorance of many.

    No, they’re all of them without exception dishonest, and not necessarily because they are taking people’s money. Such grubbery just compounds a more basic guile. Their cardinal dishonesty is that they choose to tell lies and to peddle false hope as if those lies were some Great, Eternal, Immutable Truth.

    Hans Matthysen wrote (January 26, 2010 at 10:13 pm):

    In the book of 2 Kings 12, it mentions that those who serve the altar, should not take the tithes for themselves. It also mentions what should become of the tithes.

    In other words, you support the practice of tithing as long as it is done in accordance with the autocratic dictates of a bunch of self-interested Bronze Age patriarchs who pulled the Greatest Deception Ever, namely the entirety of all Babylonian wool production ever over humanity’s eyes.

    Con-Tester

    January 27, 2010 at 10:11

  3. DW, wees nou bietjie wetenskaplik en dink tog hoe sal dit nou wees as almal moet bly lewe. Permanente genesing is om van een se vlees ontslae te wees, wat ons soveel pyn en lyding kan gee. Dit is tyd dat jy volwasse raak aangaande hierdie sake, want jy is nou soos ‘n kind wat ‘n tantrim gooi. Wees realisties asseblief.

    Hans Matthysen

    January 26, 2010 at 22:37

  4. Nathan, God is in die mens en as jy die mens se blad skud, skud jy God se blad. God is; die Wysheid; Liefde (vir siele en dan is kleur irrelefant); die Woord (sonder kommunikasie gebeur bitter min); Gees (die onsigbare).
    Num 23:19 God is geen man dat Hy sou lieg nie; of ‘n mensekind dat dit Hom sou berou nie. Sou Hy iets sê en dit nie doen nie, of spreek en dit nie waar maak nie?
    Hos 11:9 Ek sal my toorngloed nie laat geld nie, Ek sal Efraim nie weer te gronde rig nie; want Ek is God en nie ‘n mens nie, die Heilige in jou midde. En Ek sal nie kom in grimmigheid nie.

    Hans Matthysen

    January 26, 2010 at 22:25

  5. Con-Tester, I don’t believe in a skyfairy and I must agree that most religious leaders are dishonest, as they are making money out of the ignorance of many. In the book of 2 Kings 12, it mentions that those who serve the altar, should not take the tithes for themselves. It also mentions what should become of the tithes.

    Hans Matthysen

    January 26, 2010 at 22:13

  6. Leon, die dag dat jou god dít kom doen, sal daar geen gelowiges of ongelowiges wees nie want almal sal wetendes wees. En tot daai dag kom, is dit ’n heel veilige gevolgtrekking dat die hemelpappa net in gelowiges se verbeelding bestaan.

    Con-Tester

    July 15, 2009 at 17:04

  7. DW, ‘n mens kan net vir jou bid!Jy is ‘n regte pateet.As dit met jou sleg gaan is daar net een rede daarvoor en dit is dat jy teenstrydig lewe met God se woord.As jy pak kry oor jy nie jou huiswerk gedoen het nie moet jy nie die onderwyser die skuld gee nie!

    Leon

    July 15, 2009 at 12:09

  8. Nathan, die dag as God SY kinders en die ongelowiges kom skei, sal ek graag jou gesig wil sien as HY jou straf vir jou laster.Jy sal verdien wat jou toekom!

    Leon

    July 15, 2009 at 12:03

  9. Hans skryf ;”we are all going to die sooner or later”

    Hans baie dankie vir die ongelooflike verstommende antwoord oor die dood. Wys jou net , een of ander tyd gaan jy dood, kan jy nou meer.

    En dan die normale kakpraat verskoning: “My gebed is tog dat jou vriend genees sal word en nogtans, laat God se wil geskied”

    Jou hol op ‘n trol Hans . Ek wil he daardie gotte van jou moet hom nou genees of is jou geloof te klein om te vertou dat die gotte dit kan doen.

    Jy bevestig nou net weer wat Nathan elders sê , die oomblik as jy daai gotte op die push sit dan verdwyn hulle vinniger as die mis voor die son.

    Maar kakpraat oor hulle kan jy , jy weet tot hoe die foking gotte dink en hoe hulle stemme klink.

    Hans jy ‘n kakprater ,’n goddelike kakprater!!!!

    DW

    May 9, 2009 at 12:01

  10. Hans

    Ek het lanklaas met jou gesels…

    Dis mos nou fôkkin eenvoudig: Wys my jou “God”. So eenvoudig soos dit.

    Laat “God” met my kom bladskud. Ek wil die dônir in die oë kyk en sien hoe hy hom skaam as ek hom oor menslike lyding en dies meer vra.

    Dan sal ek “glo”. Stru!

    Wel… ek sal wéét. Dan’s “glo” nie meer nodig nie.

    Jissis, “God” kan die ganse oer-oue debat met 30 sekondes op CCN uitsorteer.

    As die bliksem nou net bestaan het!

    Nathan Bond

    May 8, 2009 at 17:14

  11. No, ou Hans Matthysen, I am not “forever implying that all Christians don’t think.” I am saying (a) that all religious people, regardless of creed, who believe in a skyfairy don’t think, and (b) I am saying it explicitly and unequivocally. I am also saying (c) that they are by their natures dishonest, just in case you’re looking for some more ammunition. And as far as my being “so clever, bright or whatever” is concerned, sour grapes won’t shrug off your burden of proof.

    Con-Tester

    May 8, 2009 at 08:34

  12. DW, neem tog asseblief kennis, “we are all going to die sooner or later” so aanvaar dit. My gebed is tog dat jou vriend genees sal word en nogtans, laat God se wil geskied.

    Hans Matthysen

    May 7, 2009 at 22:16

  13. Con-tester, you are forever implying that all Christians don’t think and you do, as if you are so clever, bright or whatever.

    Hans Matthysen

    May 7, 2009 at 22:10

  14. Albert

    Ek het kos , klere en ‘n dak oor my kop. Ek soek fokol van jou god af en like jou geloof ook fokol.

    So moet nie jou tyd mors om vir my te bid nie.

    Bid eerder vir die duidende kinders wat op sterwe lê wat sonder kos of skoon water is . Dalk help jou weergawe van jou god want die god van die Bybel het sy gat aan die mense afgevee.

    Bid vir die broodwinners wat op sterwe lê dat hulle onmiddellik gesond kan word om hulle families te gaan versorg , want die god van die Bybel het sy gat aan hulle afgevee.

    Fok Angus se kakpraat , hierdie twee gebedjies sal die wêreld klaar ‘n beter plek maak.

    Doen dit sommer nou , want ek gaan vanaand kyk of vriend wat op sterwe lê met pankreaskanker genees is.

    DW

    May 7, 2009 at 15:16

  15. I WILL PRAY FOR U ALL

    ALBERT

    May 7, 2009 at 09:39

  16. Well, Hans Matthysen, in case it had escaped your obviously frail attention, I never claimed to be bright. But if I did, please point out where so that I can immediately withdraw the claim as it will clearly not withstand the withering glare of your dazzling brilliance.

    Con-Tester

    March 17, 2009 at 22:20

  17. Con-tester, you may have more than half a brain, yet you use much less than half, so you ain’t so bright yourself. Daan is being good nature d and you are just being a nincompoop.

    Hans Matthysen

    March 14, 2009 at 22:00

  18. And a very good afternoon to you too, ou Daan.

    Only someone with half a brain (or perhaps less) would be amused by your joke.

    My, my. What a frivolous-minded layperson you are, Danie honey. You’d lose your bet, but I’d bet that you… well, never mind what.

    Have a great day and don’t forget about praising your ghosts and spooks and angels and that kind of crap, okay? Otherwise you might lose something.

    Con-Tester

    November 19, 2008 at 16:15

  19. Connie!!! Good morning!!

    Lighten up!!! Anyone with half a brain would have realised it’s joke!!!

    My, my. What a serious minded scholar you are, Con. I bet you were chairperson of the Student’s Representative Council of the University of Grahamstown in 2005 AND 2006.

    Have a great day and forget about praising ghosts and spooks and angels and that kind of crap.

    Daan Van der Merwe

    November 19, 2008 at 07:57

  20. Correction, Daan Van der Merwe: It’s obvious to anyone with half a brain that your god’s been resting ever since s/he allegedly made these things. S/he should’ve seen that one coming, but obviously didn’t. Maybe the effort of trying to pull together so many disparate and essentially irreconcilable threads brought on an acute, eternal and omni-pervasive case of stress-induced amnesia.

    Con-Tester

    November 18, 2008 at 22:42

  21. In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth and then He rested. He then created man and rested. After that God created a woman and neither God nor man ever rested again.

    Daan Van der Merwe

    November 18, 2008 at 16:36

  22. My bad: “I haven’t bin to Baaibil College”. I forgot.

    bewilderbeast

    November 13, 2008 at 00:13

  23. Thanks, Con-Tester. So setting up the stage and dramatic setting for old Agnes Mazambaan is just as technical as getting it right for another old showman, Mick Jagger!
    With all the miracles he wroughts (wreaks? racks?) and with the five loaves an’ all, I’m a bit disappointed that he has to mess with that stuff. Booming out such an important voice across a little tent should have been possible after passing Miracles 101, I’d have thought.

    bewilderbeast

    November 13, 2008 at 00:09

  24. My, my, as I live and breathe, I’d’ve never thought that Angus and his crop of 60,000 mighty “potatoadies” could find some or other practical value, so I was surprised to learn otherwise. It seems they constitute an excellent test case for new sound amplification gear deployed in unusual settings.

    Ya lives an’ ya lurns.

    Con-Tester

    November 11, 2008 at 14:52

  25. Gods , Jesus bring die reën – regtig?
    Ek wonder hoe geseënd ‘n Christen boer in die woestyn gaan wees ?
    Dalk kan een van die foking fools wat Angus se show in Johannesburg bygewoon het dit vir ons vertel.

    DW

    November 11, 2008 at 11:33

  26. But I thought it only ever rains after a potato-baking session. At least that is what the potato-in-chief has said on a prior occasion.

    Con-Tester

    November 10, 2008 at 10:47


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