Hands off the Bible, you cretins!
A memo to selected Seventh-Day Adventists…
My favourite rugby team, The Sharks, based in Durban, South Africa, was playing the Australian Waratahs in a must-win home match when my doorbell sounded. With the Sharks trailing 3-8 I was not amused.
The young man at the door presented me with a smile and a DvD – “on the end of the world, oom (South African for older man and boy, do I hate that word!) as predicted in the Bible.”
“What?”, I exclaimed, “the future and you know it already!?”
“Ja oom”, he smiled with a reddening face.
At least he had sufficient brain function to blush.
It turned out to be The Final Events of Bible Prophecy, by Doug Bachelor.
Guys, here’s a news flash: All – every single one! – TEOTWAWKI (The End Of The World As We Know It) prophecies have failed to materialize.
You Adventists should know this better than most. Bill Miller got 21 March 1844 wrong, bought 7 more months from his fleeceable flock and when the sun rose on 23 October Miller was… discredited. Can I be gracious of a moment or what!?
Your Mrs. W said on June 27, 1850 that there were “months” left before “The Day” and told yet another fleeceable flock at an 1856 Adventist conference that some of the delegates “will be alive and remain upon the earth to be translated at the coming of Jesus.”
I’d like to meet some of your 120, 130 and 140 year old Adventists, I would!
In your pathetic apologetic eisegesis in service of membership targets, you have compromised a second century BCE raconteur, called already as early as the second Jewish revolt (132-135 CE) by Jewish expositors who rejected the notion of Daniel as a prophetic book even then… and have reduced John the Seer, speaking eloquently to his Mediterranean contemporaries – who were plainly enamored with the sky and its happenings – about the victory of God’s Messiah as attested in the sky, to a blabbering idiot speaking things he never did.
To eviscerate a crowning jewel in literature – the Bible – such, is scandalous gentlemen. Shame on you!
When – in about 7.5 billion years – the ever-expanding sun, transformed into a red giant, engulfs this beautiful blue-green rock we lovingly call Earth, melting away any evidence it ever existed and sending molecules and atoms that once were our home floating off into space… “the world will end”. Long after the expected 1 billion year reign of animals and plants.
Unless of course NASA misses an aligned meteor before the sun acts up.
And rest assured in this perspicacious observation by the creator of the Peanuts strip, Charles Schultz: “Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.”
Ps. The Sharks lost and as a South African I shall now be obliged to support Pretoria’s Blue Bulls against my Sharks next Saturday – a concept as repugnant to me as “Biblical prophecy”.