Nathan Bond's TART Remarks

Religion: Respect? Ridicule!

Catholic paedophilia: the cartoons; the late night jokes

with 43 comments

“Men who believe absurdities will commit atrocities”
~ Voltaire

Why are we so alarmed by physical abuse, when mental abuse, the very cornerstone of religion, haunts people throughout their lives and unto death itself?

One can probably overcome the revulsion of bad breath and probing fingers and a piss-reeking priestly putz in the mouth… but what about the mind-fucking?

Religion is responsible for the reprehensible reality that children grow up to be adults believing in gods and devils and preordination and that death is not the end – the greatest possible crime against humanity.

Religion is the single most noisome aberration ever ideated by fallible man.

Religion is evil incarnate.

If the Catholic Church survives this abuse scandal, and it doubtlessly will, it would constitute absolute proof that religion is sustained by people who have lost all grip on reality… by idiots.

“The U.S. Cardinals said they are going to develop a code of ethics to help them deal with the sexual scandal. Wait a minute, I thought their already was a code of ethics, it’s called the Bible.” —Jay Leno

“I read this in the paper this morning: New York City has a priest shortage. So you see, there is some good news in the world. … To give you an idea how bad it is, earlier today in Brooklyn an alter boy had to grope himself.” —David Letterman

“As you’ve probably heard, the Pope has asked all the Cardinals to return to Rome. You know how they got them all to come back? They told them that there was going to be a performance by the Vienna Boys Choir.” —Jay Leno

“The Cardinals will be staying at the Domus Sanctae Marthae, the new hotel at the Vatican, where turn down service means the bell boy isn’t interested.” —Daily Show host Jon Stewart

“They say (the Pledge of Allegiance) violates the separation of church and state. How about the separation of church and altar boy? That’s what I’m worried about.” —Jay Leno

“Cardinal Law had difficulty with his memory under oath today. He could only remember three commandments. Under oath, Cardinal Law said ‘I do not recall’ 43 times. I’m telling you, this guy is presidential material.” —David Letterman

“The House Transportation Committee is now considering a bill that would allow pilots to carry guns for protection. I’ve got a better idea, why not give guns to altar boys, give them a fighting chance.” —Jay Leno

“In Boston, it looks like Cardinal Bernard Law isn’t going to be punished. It turns out he’s getting transferred to Rome, which is kind of like a promotion. He said today he wanted to thank all the little people.” —Jay Leno

“The Catholic Church is finally cracking down. Here’s the deal now: if a priest is transferred to another parish, he cannot take his live-in boyfriend.” —David Letterman

“The Catholic Church has just opened a new $2 million cathedral in Los Angeles. They really spared no expense. Each confessional has a panic button in it.” —David Letterman

“The Church reaffirming celibacy — it’s kind of like Clinton reaffirming monogamy.” —Jay Leno

“The big Vatican summit wrapped up, closing ceremonies were Harry Connick Jr. The Vatican is taking a tough stand now, three strikes and you’re transferred.” —David Letterman

“This is the last Take Your Daughter to Work Day. Next year, boys will be involved too. I guess the church lobbied pretty hard on that one.” —Jay Leno

“After all these scandals in the church, many Roman Catholics are calling for an end to celibacy. And end to celibacy, how about starting celibacy? Let’s at least try it to see if it works.” —Jay Leno

“Pope has called all the U.S. cardinals back to the Vatican. He’s going to have Italy’s top soccer coach talk to them. I believe the topic is how to do your job without using your hands.” —Jay Leno

“Today the Catholic Church unveiled its new policy. Don’t ask, don’t confess.” —Jay Leno

“Isn’t it crazy with all these church scandals? I’m beginning to understand how all those Bibles ended up in hotel rooms.” —Jay Leno

“This week hundreds of bishops arrived in Dallas for their annual convention. You know what that means? Party. Party. Party. A couple of bellboys are being carried over the threshold tonight.” —Jay Leno

“There is a big conference of Catholic Bishops in Dallas. Well this is great for the city, it brings in about $12 million in hush money.” —David Letterman

“The Supreme Court ruled today that virtual child pornography is legal. Finally, some good news for the church.” —Jay Leno

“Bush said we’re going after white-collar criminals and I’m thinking ‘Gee I wish the Catholic church would do that.'” —David Letterman

“Kids, if you see an ad that says Cardinals looking for a bat boy, watch out, that has nothing to do with the baseball team.” —Jay Leno

~Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman on about.com

_____________________________________________________

POLICE MUST NOTIFY RESIDENTS WHEN
CATHOLIC CHURCH MOVES INTO NEIGHBORHOOD
Controversial “Egan’s Law” Expected to Gain Widespread Support

Trenton, N.J. (SatireWire.com) — Under a new law designed to protect minors, local police departments will now be required to inform residents any time a known Roman Catholic church moves into their neighborhood.

The law also mandates that Catholic churches register with authorities, wear electronic monitoring devices, and be prohibited from moving to within a half-mile radius of a school.

A follow-up to Megan’s Law, enacted by New Jersey in 1994, the so-called “Egan’s Law” is named for Cardinal Edward Egan of New York and Cardinal Bernard Law of Boston, who are both accused of covering up sexual abuse by priests under their authority. Like Megan’s Law, Egan’s Law is expected to spread quickly to other states, but for parents in towns across New Jersey, it’s on the books none too soon.

“Last year, we discovered that a Catholic Church had been in our neighborhood for 30 years! And nobody told us!” said Ruth Harper of Redbrook, N.J. “My sons used to walk by that church every day on their way to school. Even now I shudder to think of what might have happened.”

“I always told my kids to steer clear of that place,” added neighbor Scott Carlyle. “But that’s because there were a lot of strange people going in and out at odd hours, even at midnight on Saturdays. I was worried it was some kind of druggie hangout.

“To think the whole time it was a Roman Catholic Church. Now I know why they had all those stained glass windows —. so nobody could look in.”

Critics, however, charge that Egan’s Law is unconstitutional, specifically because it relies on religious profiling and is intended to safeguard only one segment of the population: young males. But State Sen. Carmela Truto, a Catholic who co-sponsored the bill, used church doctrine itself to prove only one segment needs protection.

“In the Catholic Church, after 2,000 years, Mary is still a Virgin,” she said. “So clearly, they’re not interested in girls.”

That statement, however, angered Vatican spokesman Edgar Palowski, who said it propagated a common misconception about the church. “This doesn’t get reported enough,” he said, “but it’s a fact that our priests abuse just as many girls as boys.”

“Oh. Oh dear…” he added.

From SatireWire

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From Daryl Cagley’s Political Cartoonist Index:

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Sources not indicated are listed on the blogroll.

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Written by Nathan Bond

March 28, 2010 at 06:03

Posted in Religion must go!

43 Responses

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  1. Yes, and not citing stats, but as a general impression, based on the wide press coverage of the Irish scandal, the American scandal and so forth, just the following observation:

    However many (or few) cases there actually are, the culpability goes right to the top. The pope emeritus himself has been implicated in the cover up.

    It is unconcionable that anybody can try to defend this immoral behaviour on any grounds whatsoever, even by claiming that it is, statistically, not so bad in the Catholic church as compared to the problem in general.

    The RC priests are human beings prone to the same failings as any other, but they are in a position of special trust, and, as far as I am concerned, the bigger crime lies in the contemptible cover up by the church authorities. And the belated attempts to minimise the problem.

    Shazee

    March 24, 2013 at 01:41

  2. Jeeeeebussst, but it would be good if these “defenders of the faith” bothered to think about the bullshit they so glibly pump for a change. Even one single solitary case of pederasty by a clergyman is one too goddamn many. These are your god’s representatives on Earth, pretending to do his/her work, for fuck’s sake! Free will be damned, one can only conclude therefrom that shtupping children is a core part of your god’s mission/plan — and that’s not even challenging the questionable statistics cited from questionable sources with questionable motives.

    Actually, come to think of it, fucking his/her children is exactly what your god’s been up to ever since people were stupid enough to dream him/her up…🙄

    Con-Tester

    March 22, 2013 at 18:41

  3. Fact is: 60% of child abuse is done in the households by boyfriends, lovers, family members and step fathers. 38% of child abuse is done by criminals/convicts offenders living in your neighborhoods such as teachers, school educators. And 2 % of child abuse is done by clergy in general, including married priests in the Protestant denominations (Bautists, biblical churches, Episcopalians, Lutherans, Rabbines, and teachers at synagogs). Less than 1% belongs to the Catholic Church, Celibacy has nothing to do with why or why not children are abuse. Pedofilia is a disease, and pornography is another. Get your facts right. And then speak the Truth. sources: Reformation.com and theawarenesscenter.com

    MI CJ

    March 4, 2013 at 05:36

  4. DW, dit is duidelik dat jy ‘n probleem het met selfbeheersing en daarom kan jy nie sinvol reageer. My kerkverband is nie tersprake nie en blykbaar kan jy dit nie verstaan nie.

    Hans Matthysen

    May 14, 2010 at 09:37

  5. McBrolloks, nie een van die Katolieke vriende waarna jy verwys keur die verkeerde dade goed, of hoe?

    Hans Matthysen

    May 14, 2010 at 09:32

  6. Con-Tester, daar is niemand so blind soos hy wat nie wil sien nie.

    Hans Matthysen

    May 14, 2010 at 09:28

  7. Jy sien Hans , jy is te veel van ‘n foking slapgat cont om jou kerkverband te noem want jy weet net so goed soos ek dat die sports dan gaan begin.

    Hoekom is julle foking jesus christus skapie conte so slapgat?

    DW

    May 13, 2010 at 13:14

  8. Nathan
    According to me Voltaire was one of the greatest men that ever lived. His writings were the ones that finally lead me to step over the Rubicon.

    ErickV

    May 13, 2010 at 10:33

  9. Hans
    Ek begin jou redenasie insien.
    Met ander woorde is dit nie die kiesers in SA se skuld dat hulle ‘n korupte party in beheer geplaas het nie. Presies dieselfde met die RKK.
    Hoe siek!
    Nou gaan jy natuurlik weer se dat ek nie verstaan nie,
    of is dit ook alles weer “geestelik”?

    ErickV

    May 13, 2010 at 10:22

  10. “McBrolloks, dit is enkele persone wat verkeerd optree en nie die hele kerk nie en daarom is julle redenasie in hierdie verband onredelik en “plain” stupid.”

    Hans Hans Hans, solank as wat die RCC nie die fokkers wat kinders en nonne verkrag laat vervolg deur die wet nie, is hulle almal ‘n klomp fokken poesse.

    Ek ken baie mense wat katoliek is, en vreeslik toegewy is aan hulle kerk en godsdiens, maar solank as wat die pope en die Vatican niks gaan doen behalwe om hierdie fokkers te beskerm en hulle self die heeltyd te verdedig nie, sal hierdie gelowige volgelinge hulle nie veel steur aan die verskriklike dinge wat nog steeds aan die gebeur is nie.

    Ek het al van baie katolieke gehoor dat hulle nou net mooi siek en sat is om hulle kerk die heeltyd in die koerante en op die TV te sien. Hulle voel asof hulle vervolg word, en dat dit alles onregverdig is. My fok!!!!! Solank dit net nie hulle kinders was wat verkrag was nie!!!!!

    McBrolloks

    May 12, 2010 at 23:51

  11. Nor will I acknowledge that no contradictions exist, Hans. This farce you present, consisting of two half-arsed and failed attempts to “address” that list of 400+ bible contradictions, fools only you. The only reason you are “not going to waste [your] time on the further so called contradictions” is because you are unable to explain them away satisfactorily.

    Con-Tester

    May 12, 2010 at 22:26

  12. Con-Tester, I don’t agree, that it is a large part of the churches leadership and you would hope it was.
    I have no intention of trying to impress you and you have not acknowledged, that no contradictions exists, in the two or three, I have pointed out to you, therefore I am not going to waste my time on the further so called contradictions.

    Hans Matthysen

    May 12, 2010 at 22:16

  13. McBrolloks, dit is enkele persone wat verkeerd optree en nie die hele kerk nie en daarom is julle redenasie in hierdie verband onredelik en “plain” stupid.

    Hans Matthysen

    May 12, 2010 at 22:09

  14. No Hans, you don’t get it. When a large part of the leadership is depraved, there’s clearly something rotten with the institution itself.

    And those 400+ contradictions? Get to it because I’m hardly impressed so far.

    Con-Tester

    May 6, 2010 at 23:56

  15. Die feit dat daar so baie “onskuldiges” is, wat niks se en niks doen nie, wat nie opstaan teen die skuldiges nie, en wat ander pad kyk terwyl kinders verkrag word, is verkeerd. Hulle gee nog steeds geld vir die kerk, hulle spreek nie uit nie, hulle is net so fokken skuldig!!!!!!!

    McBrolloks

    May 6, 2010 at 22:00

  16. Screw-tin-eyes, ek het reeds op ‘n ander plek saam gestem, dat die skuldiges moet boet vir hulle dade. Jy het dit blykbaar gemis. Ek sê net, dat die groot mederheid van die RKK, nie aan sulke gedrag skuldig is en daarom kan mens nie hulle onder die selfde kam skeer, as die skuldiges nie.

    Hans Matthysen

    May 6, 2010 at 21:58

  17. DW, soek en jy sal vind. Klop en daar sal vir jou oopgemaak word.

    Hans Matthysen

    May 6, 2010 at 21:51

  18. Con-Tester, you still don’t get it. The majority are still good people and it is a very small portion of the leadership, who are corrupt. No policy has ever been made by them, to sanction corrupt behavior. Your way of reasoning is rather a sick joke.

    Hans Matthysen

    May 6, 2010 at 21:49

  19. Hans, al wat ek van jou of enige christen kerk en mens wil hoor is: Hierdie perverte molesteerende bliksems moet voor die hof gedaag word en in die tronk gesit word vir ‘n lang tyd. Hulle het die dade gepleeg as gelowiges wat juis die kinders moes beskerm. Hulle is vieslik en laag en moet vir hulle dade betaal.

    Maar nee, jy hou aan met allerhande draaie die RKK te verdedig met jou ‘slegte apples’ analogie.

    Voel jy dat die vinger ook na jou gewys word. Indien wel, dan maak jy dit erger.

    screw-tin-eyes

    April 29, 2010 at 18:02

  20. Hans ek het besluit om my lewe vir jesus te gee. Na watter kerk moet ek toe gaan om wedergebore te word?

    Gee asb die naam van die ware kerk.

    Baie dankie

    DW

    DW

    April 29, 2010 at 08:23

  21. Hans, you just don’t get it. That “small minority” you keep chirping about is exactly the minority that decides and enacts policy. The funny thing is – another that you are apparently incapable of comprehending – is that strict god-belief seems to make people less well-behaved. Your defence of belief on moral grounds is a sick joke. All these pederast Catholic leaders and their chieftains who hide their sins are ample proof for anyone with half a brain or more.

    Con-Tester

    April 28, 2010 at 22:25

  22. Dw, jy kef soos ‘n klein brakkie terwyl jy weet, dat ek is van mening, dat Angus net ‘n Simon die Towenaar is (Hand. 8).

    Hans Matthysen

    April 28, 2010 at 22:09

  23. Screw-tin-eyes, niemand maak dit af as iets kleins nie. Julle probeer die groot meerderheid wat onskuldig is, ook skuldig maak. Julle het niks oopgevlek nie, dus moet nie mense onder ‘n vals indruk probeer bring nie.

    Hans Matthysen

    April 28, 2010 at 22:07

  24. Con-Tester, the fact remains, that it is a very minute portion of Catholics whom are guilty of such wrong doings. The vast majority are good people so you appear to be the one who has an inability to follow a line of reasoning. You are one who would never see a white page but rather the minute black dot and that of course is an inability to follow reasoning.

    Hans Matthysen

    April 28, 2010 at 22:02

  25. Gods Hans loop jy nog oor van Angus se massa histerie?

    DW

    April 20, 2010 at 12:04

  26. Hans, as daar net ‘n paar vrot appels is, dan het hulle oor die afgelope 20-30 jaar die hele blerrie oes verrot. ‘It stinks to high heaven’ en ouens wat maak asof hulle dit nie ruik nie, dit probeer rasionaliseer, moet bietjie na hulle eie agenda kyk.

    Waarom wil mens hierdie ding probeer afmaak as iets kleins soos ‘n paar vrot appel. Ons het nog maar net die tip van die ysberg hier oopgevlek.

    screw-tin-eyes

    April 20, 2010 at 08:39

  27. And, just in case it’s still not clear, for a bunch of people who claim to be humanity’s moral stewards, there should be not a single rotten apple among them at all. You’d think they could properly select and, if necessary, control their own. Instead, the top barrels are filled with rotten apples. Hans, your delusion that religion makes people good is just plain bullshit.

    Con-Tester

    April 19, 2010 at 23:32

  28. Yes, Hans – the authoritative fraction. If you knew the first thing about Roman Catholicism instead of, say, making up kak about it, you’d know that that is the fraction that counts.

    Con-Tester

    April 19, 2010 at 23:25

  29. Con-Tester, and the percentage of Roman Catholics who are bad apples are but a fraction, of the two thirds?

    Hans Matthysen

    April 19, 2010 at 23:20

  30. Screw-tin-eyes, ek verdedig nie die “bad apples” nie en verwag, dat hulle vervolg moet word. Dit is julle wat nou almal wil oordeel, oor die vrot appels se verkeerde dade. Moontlik versteek hulle, die vrot appels, hulle kondome tussen die blaie?

    Hans Matthysen

    April 19, 2010 at 23:16

  31. Hans, you are taking a chance as you do not answer questions and only talk kak instead. You appear to make stuff up as needed. Who drew your attention to the fact that, worldwide, there are almost 40,000 recognised Christian denominations? Must I now draw your attention to the fact that Roman Catholics make up near enough two-thirds of all Christians?

    Your inability to follow a line of reasoning is quite astonishing, you know that?

    Con-Tester

    April 19, 2010 at 23:16

  32. McBrolloks, religious people who do bad things, act against their religion. You can’t be very bright, should you not realize that.

    Hans Matthysen

    April 19, 2010 at 23:12

  33. Con-Tester, you are taking a chance as it is but a small percentage, who are guilty of what you are saying. There are just as many and maybe even more, who are guilty amongst non believers. You appear to think that the RCC is the only Christian church and the majority of them, were not aware of the wrong doings and could therefore not be guilty.

    Hans Matthysen

    April 19, 2010 at 23:06

  34. Hans Matthysen, ‘beswymings-freak extraordinaire’:

    As jy nie kan sien dat hierdie ‘Dienaars van God’ teen ‘n hoër standaard gemeet moet word as jou ander ‘bad apples’ nie, dan bring jy jou eie intelligensie in gedrang.

    Hulle is dan juis die ouens (perverte soos hulle is) wat deur die eeue teen hierdie gedrag gepreek het en nou doen hulle dit self.

    Hoe kan enige iemand wat ‘n kind molesteer met die Bybel onder die arm as net ‘n ‘bad apple’ bestempel word.

    screw-tin-eyes

    April 1, 2010 at 06:02

  35. Ha-ha Hans, once again, you are pissing down our backs and telling us it’s raining.

    “Religion is an insult to human dignity. With or without it, you’d have good people doing good things and evil people doing bad things, but for good people to do bad things, it takes religion.”
    – Steven Weinberg

    McBrolloks

    March 31, 2010 at 23:11

  36. Hans Matthysen wrote (March 31, 2010 at 9:56 pm):

    What happened is wrong and all Christians would agree.

    Hans, pay attention please. Not all Christians agree. A significant number of them raped and fucked children ― in more ways than one. Another significant number of them colluded in covering up those atrocities. How, please, is a consensus of wrongdoing evident from these facts?

    Con-Tester

    March 31, 2010 at 22:57

  37. What happened is wrong and all Christians would agree. Unfortunately, in all societies, you have bad apples, but that does not mean that those societies are bad. You don’t appear very intelligent, should you not understand that.

    Hans Matthysen

    March 31, 2010 at 21:56

  38. A post from one “wendyhanawait” via Michael Shermer’s Skeptic; very true, I think. (I think Con-Tester also pointed this out.)(I don’t know about the percentage of gay priests, though.)

    “Recent studies have indicated that as many as 50% of Catholic priests are homosexual, but that is not because heterosexual men are forced by celibacy into homosexuality. Rather, the Church is a hiding place for gay men who have been spiritually and psychologically abused by their church into believing that their homosexuality means that they are “intrinsically disordered.” It is an attempt to find salvation in an essentially sick belief system which decrees that they are evil just for being born a certain way. Again, the church has the advantage of a hierarchy that covers up (through the mantle of sanctity) homosexual behavior, shields it from the judging eyes of the world at large.

    “The only thing that pedophiles and healthy, normal gay men share is Church as Hiding Place.”

    Savage

    March 30, 2010 at 18:21

  39. McBrolloks wrote (March 29, 2010 at 5:38 pm):

    [The] pope says faith in God leads ‘towards the courage of not allowing oneself to be intimidated’.

    … to which the obvious retort is of course, “Why, blissful ignorance does exactly the same!”

    Con-Tester

    March 29, 2010 at 18:04

  40. Pope dismisses ‘petty gossip’ of sexual abuse allegations
    In Palm Sunday address pope says faith in God leads ‘towards the courage of not allowing oneself to be intimidated’

    http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/mar/28/pope-benedict-sexual-abuse-scandal

    McBrolloks

    March 29, 2010 at 17:38

  41. From PZ Myers:

    Sunday Sacrilege: The greatest blasphemy of them all

    http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2010/03/sunday_sacrilege_the_greatest.php#more

    McBrolloks

    March 28, 2010 at 21:30

  42. “Pope, in Sermon, Says He Won’t Be Intimidated”
    – NY Times

    http://www.nytimes.com/2010/03/29/world/europe/29pope.html?hp

    As Con-Tester put it, The RCC will “…survive the crisis, in the end as a minor inconvenience.”

    McBrolloks

    March 28, 2010 at 21:25

  43. Sadly, the horror vastly overshadows whatever amusement value is provided by these snippets and lampoonery. As you say, the RCC will no doubt shirk and slime its way past any meaningful accountability and survive the crisis, in the end as a minor inconvenience. After all, it has the social and cultural momentum of almost two millennia and two billion blind, duped, gullible people.

    Also: “Religion is responsible for the reprehensible reality that children grow up to be adults believing in gods and devils and preordination and that death is not the end – the greatest possible crime against humanity.” That’s one fuckin’ brilliant nutshell.

    Con-Tester

    March 28, 2010 at 11:03


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