Nathan Bond's TART Remarks

Religion: Respect? Ridicule!

72 Virgins

with 3 comments

October 2004

I have unbearable pity for the suffering of children. This anxiety, in deference to that great social commentator, Bertrand Russell, blows me hither and tither… over a deep ocean of anguish, reaching to the very verge of despair.[1] I shall have done nothing; achieved nothing, if I do not at least share considered perspectives on a roadmap to a better world for my children and their generation.

These were my thoughts as I stared, incredulously, at the REUTERS press photograph on October 1, 2004 – an Iraqi father carrying his dead son into the Yarmouk Hospital in Baghdad after a string of suicide bombs killed 35 children and wounded scores of others as US troops handed out candy at a government-sponsored celebration to inaugurate a new sewage plant in the city’s western al-Amel neighbourhood. It was the largest death toll of children in any insurgent attack since the Iraq conflict began…

72 virgins. A guerdon for flagitious male[2] deeds of terror.

72 virgins. Wide-eyed and bushy-tailed. Chaste as hidden pearls. Each sufficiently uninitiated in sexual enjoyment to accept her master’s every effort in subservient worship, “O, most honorable, most profound, most proficient, most practiced, most skilful, most virtuous stud.”[3]

The Prophet Muhammad, beguiled by the indefatigable Gabriel’s intermittent revelations, was apparently heard saying: “The smallest reward for the people of paradise is an abode where there are 80,000 servants and 72 wives, over which stands a dome decorated with pearls, aquamarine, and ruby, as wide as the distance from Al-Jabiyyah (a Damascus suburb) to Sana’a (Yemen).”[4]

The absurd folderol that death is not the end of human life, but rather the beginning of some supreme life, especially a life supersaturated with unbridled sex and gross opulence, lies at the very base of this… religion, this pernicious bane, this pestilent destructive force, this grotesque parody of thought, this egregious abuse of intelligence that is Islam.

The specific Islam mutation of the nefarious religion virus is peculiarly annihilative in its own uniquely destructive way. Islam represents sui generis turpitude and indeed escapes exoteric aspersion only by being none more ridiculous and ruinous than analogous anserine beliefs – Christianity, Hinduism, Judaism, Buddhism or whatever ism it is whomever happens to believe is provoked of some ideogenous deity at any given point in time. Attrocities committed under the aegis of religion are well documented and no less abhorrent than Hai al-Amaal. Yet among the emphatically purblind idiotologies (sic) masquerading as belief systems, Islam, by reason of its particular martyrdom mandate, is a decidedly obtuse variant. Insufficient words and phrases exist to define this hubristic disgrace, this ridiculous nonsense impertinently presumptive of creed.

This damning charge against Islam is exacerbated by recent scholarly opinion that the sexual debauchery awaiting cathected martyrs in the Muslim hereafter, the unconditional copulation promised to the faithful, may be a false claim after all! Syriac words substituted for the Arabic, indicate that the amative maidens may mean nothing more than “white raisins” of “crystal clarity”. It may well be that the context dictates that food and drink is being promised, and not unsullied maidens! It may well be that millions of people have been killed over the centuries so that the martyrs can enjoy “chilled raisins” (or drinks) in Paradise while the unfaithful and damned infidels have boiling drinks elsewhere.[5]

Yet Islam knows full well, as do automobile manufacturers and makers of yogurt, that you’ve got ‘em for life if you promise ‘em sex – lots of it, and varied. Promise testosterone enriched teenagers an eternity in the embrace of 72 subservient wenches and they will, as a sea of blood and a mountain of body parts grimly bear witness, gladly blow themselves and unsuspecting passersby to smithereens, hardon at the ready.

I can hear it already – the voices of the apologetics wailing in unison, “This is not what Islam is about; suicide is forbidden in Islam!”

Yeah. Right. This is not what Islam is about… but this is what happens in Islam’s milieu. Just about exclusively.

Reflects dr. Michael Radu, a specialist in international terrorist groups and Co-chairman of the Foreign Policy Research Institute’s Center on Terrorism, Counter- terrorism, and Homeland Security, “But with the exception of the LTTE’s (Sri Lankan Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam-LTTE, Marxists/Hindus/Tamil secessionists) acts, all other (suicide) terrorist acts were committed by Muslims, and of those, all except those by the PKK/Kadek in Turkey and Arafat’s Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigades were committed by members of openly Islamist groups. The LTTE/PKK cases led some to dismiss the role of religion in the motivation of suicide terrorists, but on further analysis, the exception indeed proves the rule.”[6]

The suicide bombing phenomenon is the direct result of teaching children the dangerous nonsense that death is not the end, that life somehow continues after death, that a better life awaits the just in some god.

I am fagged out by the claim of religion’s apologists that 9/11, Gujarat, Beslan, Hai al-Amaal, to mention but a few recent examples of religious atrocity, are simply about power. Religion is not to blame, the vindicators hold – religion is good and just and salutary. Religion, so the whining goes, is merely exploited by unscrupulous political charlatans seeking personal power and wealth. I, for one, am delighted to learn that the problem is so mundane and trivial. This problem should be easily remedied. Simply destroy the hold these mountebanks hold over hapless, overcredulous, naïve believers – ensure that the dullards are not exposed to exploitative religion abused to subjugate them. Simply do not administer antibiotics to the allergic.

It is elementary, my dear wowser: Had children of Islamic parents not been exposed to religious instruction, no measure of political messianism will have succeeded, and continue to succeed, in producing a line of extremist would-be suicide bombers beating down the door for the privilege to be detonated, for that passport to paradise with its concupiscence and its spizzerinctum – It’s religion, stupid![7] Those who believe absurdities will commit atrocities.[8]

Any religion, meme, totemism, philosophy or je ne sais quois that propagates the dangerous nonsense that death is not the end should be rejected with contempt. Said Albert Camus, “If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.”

No child should have to suffer the ignominy of religious instruction. As children should be protected against pornography, violence, substance abuse, sexual abuse, physical harm, hunger, the elements and want of schooling, so they should be protected, even by law, from the insidious nemesis that is religion.

To tolerate religion because it is not the exclusive vehicle of evil, identifies religion as a vessel of evil and denies us the opportunity to eliminate at least one known crucible of evil.[9]

The solution is an obvious one: Although we can hardly hope for a society in which formal organized religion is rejected, we can at least stop behaving as if religion is worthy of our collective respect.[10]

1 Russell stated that three passions have governed his life… Autobiography, Unwin Paperbacks, Boston, 1978, p9.

2 Until Wafa Idris, then a 28-year-old Palestinian medical assistant, detonated herself on one of Jerusalem’s busiest streets, the privilege of exploding for Allah was a strictly male honour. But Islam is making grand strides towards gender equality – several Islamic Sheiks have confirmed that women are suitable candidates for explosive martyrdom… if, should the operation take longer than a day and a night, she is accompanied by a male relative.

3 The eternal paradisal reward for female blow-ups remain uncertain at this time. Perpetual falling asleep in strong arms after long talks by candlelight suggests itself, but the sexuality of the “new Islamic woman” may be compromised by such timidity… a program of alternate gang-bangs and cunnilingus perhaps?

4 From Hadith 2687, collected by Al-Tirmidhi (9th century CE) and quoted in the Koranic commentary of Ibn Kathir (14th century CE). Hadith is Arabic for Tradition and contain records of the Prophet’s attributed adages and actions.

5 This interpretation is argued by Christoph Luxenberg in his 2001 book, Die Syro-Aramaische Lesart des Koran. (Cf. Ibn Warraq, Virgins? What virgins?, Special report: religion in the UK, The Guardian, January 12, 2002.)

6 October 9, 2003. “Radical Islam and Suicide Bombers“.

7 See Bond, Nathan. December 2006. It’s religion, stupid.

8 Attributed to Blaise Pascal (1623-1662).

9 Bond, Nathan. Ibid.

10 With acknowledgement to A.N. Wilson, Against Religion.

Written by Nathan Bond

June 4, 2007 at 19:04

3 Responses

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  1. I was wondering about that 72 virgins thing. . . .
    Here is my take on it.



    September 13, 2008 at 01:48

  2. Hans, I’m pleased you’re against the weirdos.
    They’re the ones standing up in front, telling lies.

    If you want specifically to know which are the Religious Weirdos:
    – They’re the ones threatening terrible consequences
    – They’re the ones lying to the kids
    – They use Capital Letters
    – They try to intimidate people who question them
    – Even while saying “peace” and “bless” a lot
    – They don’t pay tax

    And hey, “The element of man” is a good thing, man! It’s all we’ve got.


    September 5, 2008 at 14:25

  3. In all societies you get your weirdo’s, even in non religious societies and I am therefore against the weirdo’s and not necessary against religion. The element of man is always present, to bugger things up.

    Hans Matthysen

    April 28, 2008 at 21:36

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