WARNING: This essay contains strong language. Reader discretion is advised.
For many years I flatly refused to be called an atheist. I was not prepared to be identified in theistic terms. “Atheist” implies some “God”* which one can deny. And “atheist” is a “them” term, as in “us and them”. And, also, and perhaps most importantly, atheism is not a scientifically defendable position: One can not pronounce for certain that God does not exist, because there simply is no falsifiable evidence at all.
But I’ve changed my mind. Nowadays I am quite comfortable, and rather proud, to be called an atheist. I am indeed an atheist. And a radical atheist at that. I say radical, because I want people to know that I have, in the words of novelist Douglas Adams, thought long and hard about it. And I am convinced beyond a velleity of doubt that the probability that God exists is vanishingly small.
As a matter of fact, I have recently realised that there is overwhelming evidence that God does not exist: Every time a child cries out in hunger, God’s nullity is confirmed.
Think about it. Would you starve your children? Even if you are appallingly pissed at them for stealing your precious fruit? I know I wouldn’t.
Now, please don’t throw that “Original Sin” and “Divine Justice” bullshit at me. You know, that story about God being so just that the felony of Adam and Eve simply had to be remediated. That bullshit about kids starving because we are “sinful”. And “God”, poor bastard, can’t help it for justice. Yech, I think I’m going to be sick.
Think about this, if you will: If the Gospels are to be believed, there never was a more unjust execution in the history of the universe than that of Jesus, the Christ. For his alleged felonious status, he was inexplicably unknown to the prosecuting authorities who spent 30 pieces of silver to get a confidant to identify the innocent man. He is kangaroo judged by a riotous jury of his foes, condemned by indifference, clapperclawed, excruciated and crucified in what must surely rank as the number one most scandalous injustice in cosmic history.
This is God’s fix for the wanton depravity of pilfering fruit? Of offending His ludicrous idiosyncrasies? This evildoing speaks to God’s justice? It’s all O.K. now? God sees his “only begotten son” tortured and calumniated and in the son’s very moment of utmost despair, before dying, God turns his back on him… and His Omnipotence is divinely just?
G-i-v-e _ m-e _ a _ b-r-e-a-k!
This entire “God and Divine Justice” fallacy is predicated upon supreme injustice. Surely this ridiculous tarradiddle is nothing more but a machination of Bronze Age naiveté and Dark Age ignorance trumping even the ingenuity of the Monty Python Troupe. I exclaim with deference to Horace, risum teneatis, amici? – can you hold back your laughter, friends?
I asked my perspicacious American friend, Mayor of Manhole, Mississippi, Leroy Tecumseh van Buren, for his opinion.
Said Tecumseh, “I’m dumb-fuckin’-struck. Discombobulated. I don’t know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt. These people must be destabilized by gross quantities of impure corn liquor and generations of profoundly unbiblical sex. In fact, I’s thinkin’ it’s a massive, collective, psychotic chemical flashback of all the drugs smoked, swallowed, shot, and absorbed rectally from 1960 to 1990. Thirty years of street drugs will get you some fucking weird ideas, my friend! Their minds must be aglow with whirling transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapour of invention.”
Wise man, Tecumseh.
God. On a certain level I am disappointed that He does not exist. For I would have loved to poke him in the eye.
If God does exist, he is clearly such a scum bag that he should be avoided at all cost. Children, especially, should never be exposed to this abuser. Just think of what he threatened to do, what he allowed to happen, and what he did, to the children of Abraham and Jephthah and… and to his own “only begotten son”! This guy should not be allowed within a zillion light-years of children!
If God does exist, and if His Omnipotence ever was to show his incandescent visage he should be shot on sight and his stony heart crumbled by laser… just to make sure he stays dead this time.
* To be clarion clear: I am referring to the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob; Aristotle’s God: immutable, immaterial, omnipotent, omniscient, indivisible, He of perfect goodness and necessary existence (?)… not some vanilla “straw man” god.